Chapter 37: Courage

‘An… is she… crying?’

This was the room where the magic test had taken place that day…

Why had she come back here?

Lucas couldn’t hold back. He quietly opened the door a crack.

Fortunately, the girl didn’t notice the faint sound.

So through the gap, he saw her.

She sat collapsed on the floor, clutching something in her arms.

Her eyes were already completely red and swollen.

An had always been a strong girl.

Even in daily interactions, when faced with others’ prejudice, she maintained basic politeness on the surface.

To see her so devastated, so disheveled—it was something he’d never witnessed in these three years.

This matter really had hit her hard…

Come to think of it… after that day, he hadn’t really spoken to her much…

She’d been avoiding him lately, never giving him any chance to be together.

And Lucas couldn’t very well stop her in front of everyone just to talk.

But now, the opportunity had finally presented itself…

Should he open the door now?

Should he go comfort her now?

Would An gratefully throw herself into his arms, and they’d return to their former close relationship…

Or would she misinterpret his goodwill, scream and push him away, accusing him of flaunting his superior magical talent in front of her?

Lucas could only hesitate.

He didn’t dare gamble. His father had taught him never to trust feelings.

He always believed in logic, in science, in rigorous calculation.

But time was clearly running out.

The girl’s condition was dire.

She was still crying, even though her voice was obviously hoarse.

Her sobs tugged at the boy’s heart, tangling his thoughts into a mess.

At that moment, absurdly yet with absolute certainty, he “felt” that this was a critical juncture in his life.

It was almost like… like the guidance of fate itself…

Thinking this, Lucas’s heart began to pound violently.

Although he didn’t believe in any religion, now he absurdly found himself praying to the Goddess for guidance.

‘I… what should I…’

Lucas swallowed his saliva.

‘What should I do?’

…

An’s parents were the people she admired most in life.

Her father was a Paladin dispatched by the Church to the local area, and her mother served as a Nun at Novalis’s first church—the Sacred Heart Church.

They were righteous. They were kind.

An had heard them say that they were once very popular with the neighbors.

And many of the uncles and aunties she’d met—judging by the simple, innocent standards of good and evil from her childhood—were good people.

But they had all suffered from others’ prejudice.

At some point, the locals who had once been close to them began to keep their distance as if avoiding the plague.

Simply because they shared one thing in common—the indelible identity of clergy members, the unshakeable label associated with the Church.

An was no exception.

No matter how sincere or how friendly she was, it made no difference.

The other children always stared at her with strange eyes—even though, by all appearances, she was just like any child her age.

An was just a child. She didn’t understand the reason.

But under these circumstances, she learned to be silent.

It would hurt less if she didn’t force herself on people who didn’t want her.

Not many came to play with her, so she began to spend her time reading books.

Ever since she first saw the illustrious achievements of past Saints in history books—how they changed the country again and again—and pictured them leading the masses to one glorious victory after another in her mind, she was completely captivated.

The Saint ladies were so omnipotent, uniting all the people within the nation, achieving brilliant economic feats domestically while repelling foreign invaders abroad.

She wanted to become a Saint.

If she could become an all-powerful Saint, she could change the way Novalis’s people thought, and her parents, along with those uncles and aunties, could have an easier life.

…

Her eyes hurt. An snapped back from her fantasies.

She didn’t know how long she’d been crying.

The girl clutched the Crystal Ball, unwilling to let go.

She had just been passing by this classroom…

When she accidentally discovered that a Crystal Ball was sitting perfectly on the classroom table, forgotten and not taken away.

She suddenly realized—

So this was that testing classroom.

So this was that place that had brought her nothing but pain.

The Crystal Ball didn’t care about any of the girl’s emotional ups and downs.

It just lay there quietly, unchanged.

But she didn’t run away.

Perhaps it was simply because she refused to admit defeat.

Perhaps it was because something called “obsession” still burned in her heart.

Her feet moved uncontrollably.

She walked toward the Crystal Ball once again, still wanting to touch it.

What if the test had been wrong before?

What if I was just in a bad state before… and the Crystal Ball didn’t respond to me?

A feeling of wishful thinking rose within An.

Her fighting spirit seemed to reignite.

But in the end, it was still cold Reality that shattered her.

Inside the Crystal Ball, not a single glimmer of light emerged.

In response, she only felt the cold touch of the object, as if mocking her incompetence.

The last glimmer of light in the girl’s pupils… died out.

“Yeah… I’m so stupid… I knew the result all along…”

Her hoarse throat let out a bone-chilling bitter laugh.

“Yet I still wanted to prove myself, still clinging to such unrealistic dreams…”

Despite being mentally prepared, hot tears still streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks.

An hated the feeling of powerlessness—because that was how she’d grown up as a child.

She wanted to become a Saint, because then she could have more say and try to make this world a little better.

At the very least, she could become a Mage or a Nun, carry on her parents’ aspirations, and make them proud…

But now… even the magic she cared about was out of reach…

“Such an unrealistic dream… and I can’t even take the first step…”

“When I don’t even have a bit of Mana… and I still think about becoming a Saint…”

“Can’t even take care of myself, yet I want to lead everyone and guide everyone like the Saint ladies…”

An mechanically repeated the words, as if savagely putting herself down could bring her pleasure, could make her feel better.

She succeeded.

After berating her own uselessness, she did feel a burning, stinging satisfaction.

But after the aftershock faded, there was only endless emptiness and despair.

Yes, this was how useless she was.

No matter how much she cried, no matter how much she degraded herself, she couldn’t gain talent out of thin air.

After the crying passed, after she woke up from her fantasies…

What could she possibly do about this cruel Reality?

She thought about how she still had class later, and the unbearable stares in the classroom.

“Nobody likes me anyway…”

“If they find out… they’ll definitely despise me even more as a useless piece of trash——”

The curtains were drawn tight. The door was closed.

Since it was an empty classroom, there wasn’t much stuff piled in the room.

It was empty, with only the curtains gently swaying.

In the dim room, it seemed like only they were willing to listen to her.

And yet she was still hoping… hoping that someone would care for her at this moment…

“I really am a useless piece of trash that no one cares about…”

An laughed at herself.

But right at that moment, the room brightened.

It was light from outside.

Through the widening crack in the door, the light streamed in, dazzling the girl as she raised her hand to shield her eyes.

“An…”

“That’s not true!”

She saw that boy.

She saw his not-so-tall, slightly thin figure, as if he had made some kind of decision.

It was the only person who didn’t avoid her in daily life, the one who actually approached her.

An wasn’t surprised.

She knew that no matter how she avoided him, she would have to face him eventually.

But he was so strange…

Even though An knew his usual actions came from some kind of pity and charity,

Why wouldn’t he just quietly walk away after learning that she had no Mana and was useless?

Why comfort someone like her, who was unpopular and now a powerless waste?

Why did he go this far…

Just… just like a…

“Fool…”

Hot tears streamed down again uncontrollably, but this time they carried a hint of emotion.

She murmured.

An realized she couldn’t read him anymore.

“That’s not true…”

“You still have me…”

The boy mustered his courage.

“I care about you, An.”

The boy succeeded.

He made An show a look of surprise.

The girl heard the boy’s resolute words.