When her fingertips accidentally brushed against Merlin’s cheek, Merlin couldn’t help flinching. Mahina’s fingers were cold—cold as late autumn rain.
‘Maybe it’s from taking care of me. It’s already fall, and even indoors, sitting still without any heat would make fingers cold. That’s normal.’
A complex emotion surged in her heart.
For some reason, just as Mahina was about to pull her hand back, Merlin reached out from under the warm covers and grabbed Mahina’s cold fingers.
Mahina’s body stiffened. She stared at Merlin in shock. Merlin said nothing, just silently wrapped her burning palm around those icy fingers, hoping the warmth would transfer to her.
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
Mahina shook her head and smiled, relieved. “I wanted to be with you. Somehow, seeing you unwell made my heart ache. Watching you sleep made my heart warm. I couldn’t bear to leave you.”
This was the first time Mahina had taken care of Merlin.
“Hmm…”
“Would you like some water?” Mahina asked softly. She reached for the cup that was already on the nightstand, filled with water at the perfect temperature. Carefully supporting the bottom, she brought the rim to Merlin’s lips, her movements patient and steady, ensuring no discomfort.
Merlin took small sips from her hand. The clear water soothed her dry throat. She looked up at Mahina—her focused, gentle expression seemed almost unreal in the warm orange glow.
Mahina’s long lashes drooped, casting light shadows under her eyes. Her straight nose had elegant lines, and she exuded a pure, noble aura that seemed capable of washing away all troubles. After the water, Mahina used a soft cloth to wipe Merlin’s mouth, each movement natural and full of silent thoughtfulness.
‘I’ve wished for this countless times,’ Merlin thought. ‘If we hadn’t been driven apart by others back then, would we have had such a peaceful life? Supporting each other, taking care of each other… Even if my heart now feels hollow, the warmth from my body is real.’
‘If… there was someone who could always stay by my side like this in daily life—taking care of me so properly and selflessly when I’m sick and weak—that kind of life wouldn’t be so bad, would it?’
But… Merlin lowered her eyelids. Her long lashes hid the gloom in her eyes.
‘If someone asked whether I’m willing to just let go of the past and accept Mahina again… I can’t. Even just looking at her face now, painful memories grow like thorns, intertwining with this tenderness. The tearing feeling makes me want to escape this emotion, to push her away instinctively. Maybe if I let go of my grudge, everything would be easier. But I still can’t do it.’
Mahina sensed Merlin’s inner struggle. She accepted it. She looked at Merlin lying quietly in bed, her eyes vacant as if lost, but the smile in Mahina’s eyes grew even gentler. It was a happiness mixed with bitterness and satisfaction.
“This is the first time I’ve taken care of you. I never had the chance before. Actually, back when you took care of me, when you comforted me, I was really… happy…” She paused, her tone turning bitter but also relieved. “I really thought I was the happiest girl in the world. Your warmth gave me the motivation to live. I wanted to return that warmth to you someday—even if I couldn’t pay it all back. Now, I’ve repaid a little.”
“Thank you for taking care of me, Mahina.” At least the fact that she took care of him today was true.
Mahina just shook her head, her eyes reddening. “I should be the one thanking you. Back then… when I was completely hopeless, I thought I’d never see you again in this life. Thank you for your warmth… Thank you… for letting me stay by your side.”
Faced with such a direct, heartfelt confession, Merlin—who had lost love—felt only emptiness and desolation. She couldn’t resonate. An awkward inability to respond spread through the air. She averted her gaze slightly.
“It’s nothing. You won, so I’ll keep my promise. Just don’t get too close.”
Mahina didn’t mind the slightly prickly response. She used the smile Merlin had once said she liked most to look at the person she loved. “Mm-hmm… But this really feels like briefly returning to that time. I’m really, very happy.”
The air was quiet for a moment. Suddenly, Merlin realized something. She looked down at the dry, clean new nightgown she was wearing, then at Mahina.
‘Something’s wrong.’
“Did you change my clothes?”
Mahina was tidying up the medicine bottles. She nodded matter-of-factly. “Yes. I was afraid you’d catch a cold, so I got under the covers and slowly helped you change.”
“What?!” A terrified scream shattered the warm atmosphere.
Merlin shot upright like a startled cat, then instantly dove back under the covers. Only her embarrassed and furious eyes glared at Mahina. “You—you saw?!”
Mahina pursed her lips, a little wronged. “See what? It was dark under there. What could I see? I just simply wiped off your sweat and changed you into a nightgown.”
Merlin stared at her suspiciously, then exhaled in relief. “That… that’s good.”
Then Mahina froze again.
‘What’s wrong with her now? Never mind, I don’t care. The sick person’s privilege is being willful.’ Merlin pouted, pulled the covers over her head, leaving only a wisp of blue-gradient hair visible, and curled up to continue sleeping.
She muttered quietly, “Thank you for taking care of me today, Mahina.”
Seeing Merlin willing to talk to her voluntarily, Mahina smiled and replied, “It’s nothing. After all, you took care of me back then. Being able to repay you in a similar way makes me happy.”
Merlin paused. “Yes… Even though the living environment is better, I really do feel like we’ve returned to that time.”
“I think so too…” Mahina said.
But the distance between them could never go back.
‘I feel like crying again. But I can’t cry in front of her. Besides, I already got a little bit of a bargain today. That’s still satisfying. Even eating a bit of leftover food makes me happy.’ She used a towel to wipe away Merlin’s sweat, then hid the towel secretly. Mahina stood up and left the room.
And Merlin did not call her back.
That was the distance between them.