Chapter 163: Late (2)

While Mahina’s heart churned in silence, Merlin spoke to break the stillness.

Merlin’s fingertips lightly traced the rough wooden tabletop, but her gaze didn’t fall on Mahina.

“I wrote to you every single day for those five years. I never did anything to betray you.”

Each word landed like a sharp slap on Mahina’s already shattered heart.

Mahina gave a bitter smile.

“Yes, I know now. You were waiting for me. It was me who didn’t believe you, me who was weak.”

Even having lost love, Merlin still cared. “Back then… why did you just abandon me like that?”

Mahina lowered her head, her hands twisted tightly together.

“Because I’m a coward, Merlin. I was afraid of hearing you say we had to part, so I wanted to hurt you first… How stupid of me.”

Merlin was silent for a long while, then slowly lowered her head too, her blue-gradient hair falling forward to hide her expression.

“At the time, someone had been stirring things up. I could vaguely sense we were going to separate… I kept quiet just to maintain a shred of dignity.” Merlin’s voice grew a little hoarse with self-deprecation. “After all, you were so brilliant then. I was just a slum dweller without any magic.”

Mahina jerked her head up, but the moment her gaze met Merlin’s cold eyes she shrank back. Regret coiled around her heart like poisonous vines, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe.

“I’m sorry, Merlin… I’m sorry. I know by now you don’t love me anymore, and I’ve lost any right to be loved by you.”

If only back then she had cared less about getting hurt, snuck away from the Talane Estate to visit Merlin. Or fled the North together with everyone else. Or, when they reunited two years later, had found the courage to ask why Merlin never replied and whether she’d received the letters.

But there were no ifs in life. Mahina’s mistakes were like water spilled—never to be taken back.

Merlin turned her head, gazing out the window at the autumn wind ravaging the night. Her profile in the dim lamplight was starkly cold.

“I was the same. Even back then, after being hurt by you just once, I couldn’t pick myself up anymore. I never had the courage to find out the truth. At least in that… we’re pretty similar.”

They both averted their eyes from each other. Even though they were so close, their hearts were separated by an insurmountable chasm. Perhaps because deep down they were the same—the same sensitivity, the same fragility, the same fear of being hurt—that they drifted apart at the crossroads of fate.

Merlin spoke in a cold tone, as if drawing a clear boundary.

“So, Mahina, we’re both at fault. No need to talk anymore. We can’t go back anyway, can we?”

Even though Mahina had steeled herself, the taste of blood rose in her mouth.

Merlin watched Mahina hang her head in dejection. Instead of feeling pain, she pressed her advantage.

“Mahina, don’t make me look like the villain here.”

At Merlin’s words, Mahina forced another smile, struggling to keep Merlin from seeing her sorrow. After all, Merlin had said she liked Mahina’s smile.

This was… one of the few things about Mahina that Merlin could still like.

Mahina’s smile was beautiful—heartrendingly beautiful, like a lily trembling in a rainstorm. It was the disguise of a girl still deeply in love, desperately put on so she wouldn’t burden the one she loved, tinged with fawning and humility.

Even Merlin, who had lost her love, was moved by that smile.

Merlin quickly looked away, flustered. To cover her wavering, she forced a change of subject, her tone growing even sharper:

“What are you smiling at? I’m neither as strong as you nor reliable. Go smile at someone else.”

Mahina could say nothing more.

The words she had once used to avoid being hurt now stabbed back at her like a rusty machete worn down by time.

But wasn’t this exactly what she deserved?

“But I already have someone I love. From now on, I’ll only smile at her, even if she doesn’t love me back.”

“Love? Back then you were already a Magician, and you used my lack of magic to hurt me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why did you slap me at the start of the school year?”

Mahina pressed her lips together.

“Because… I liked you too much. At the time I thought you might be being supported by some woman, and I couldn’t control my emotions. Of course… now I know that woman was your foster mother.”

“Then why did you attack me with the fact that I had no magic?”

“Back then… I didn’t yet know Her Highness Ophelia’s strength. Because of the Prophecy, I honestly thought leaving the Academy would be better for you. Because even the Alchemy Department had to handle logistics for the Monster Battlefield. All I wanted was for you to go back to the Elven Forest and live an ordinary life. I could go to the battlefield and deal with the magical beasts alone. Because I loved you. Even when I mistakenly thought you had betrayed me, I wanted to protect you.”

Mahina sighed again, giving an awkward laugh.

“But… I was too stupid. Whether it was the method or the reasoning, Her Highness Ophelia is strong enough to protect you. You’re the Elf Princess—who would dare to decide where you should go? And I hurt you because of all that… I’m sorry… even though you don’t want to believe me.”

Mahina naturally turned her head away, not wanting Merlin to see the tears in her eyes.

Though tonight she had already shown them many times, she still wanted to set aside this feeling and keep a little dignity in front of the person she loved.

“It all comes down to… I like you too much. But by now, it’s already too late. I’ve become the one who hurt you the most, the one who made you suffer enough to want to abandon this feeling.”

Merlin only gave a snort.

“So what?”

“After all, the Merlin who loved you has been forced to death by you. The me who loved you—wasn’t it because I was hurt so badly by you that I was in agony, wanting to throw away love? Isn’t it all your own doing? I actually think it’s a good thing. Otherwise, if I saw you showing weakness, I might soften again.”

Mahina could only smile and nod.

Merlin turned back, looking down at Mahina.

“Yes, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry…”

“Please… don’t say anymore.”

“We can’t go back, Mahina.”

“Are you using my magic well? After all, I’m neither as strong as you nor as reliable.”

Hearing this, Mahina could no longer hold back.

Even though she ordered herself to keep the smile on her face, tears streamed down.

“I’m sorry… Merlin. Even if you don’t love me, my life is yours. If you tell me to go east, I won’t go west. If you want your magic back, I will do everything I can to return it to you.”