Chapter 162: Late (1)

The world seemed split in two by a single cut.

On one side, a boisterous carnival; on the other, a silent island.

Inside the little log cabin, it was so quiet you could hear each other’s breathing.

The students and teachers were all lost in the dazzling lights, while only Merlin and Mahina sat facing each other in the dim cabin.

Whoosh—whoosh—The biting autumn wind, like a lost child, rampaged wildly outside.

Dried leaves were swept up, letting out withered cries, followed by coarse branches repeatedly lashing the roof, producing dull, heart-stopping thuds.

Each impact felt like a heavy hammer striking Mahina’s heart, sending a chill through her.

Mahina instinctively shrugged her shoulders and pressed her legs together. She could even feel a wisp of cold seeping through the door crack, slithering around her stockinged ankles.

She raised her head, her pinkish-blue eyes glinting in the dim light, her gaze piercing the dusky air to cling tightly to Merlin.

Mahina’s throat was dry, her heart slamming fiercely against her ribs inside her chest.

‘I should have been prepared for this long ago. I’ve said it so many times since we cleared up the misunderstanding.’

Mahina gripped her skirt.

“I love you, Merlin.”

The words she had held back countless times before, she could now speak to Merlin without reservation.

Long ago, as a little girl, Mahina had been too shy to directly tell Merlin the love in her heart.

‘When I was anxious, I gradually wondered if Merlin still loved me. After we separated, when I thought he really hated me, I wondered if I should still smile and act like nothing was wrong.’

‘I believed love was a silent understanding, something that could be conveyed without words.’

‘After we parted, while I chewed on my anxiety and pain alone in the long nights…’

Mahina loved Merlin deeply. Because Merlin was her everything. But—

“Yeah…”

Mahina slightly dropped her gaze, looking at Merlin’s hands on the table. Her thoughts uncontrollably drifted back to that gray past. When her parents died of illness while fleeing, Merlin had saved her. Merlin had given her love. Merlin had given her the hope to live.

Mahina hadn’t really wanted to live in the first place.

She meant during that serious illness and the life before fleeing to Talan.

Mahina had never told Merlin about this before, because it wasn’t exactly a happy memory.

Because Mahina believed that as long as the present was happy, that was enough.

Mahina’s parents were very strict. Although the family ran a small business, they had put too much pressure on Mahina since she could remember.

Even though Mahina was just a child, she had never enjoyed a child’s happiness, only her parents’ harsh upbringing.

Even when the plague broke out and the family had to flee, the most common words her parents said to Mahina were still, “This is all for you.”

So Mahina suffered.

After the source of her suffering died, Mahina didn’t feel relieved, because she didn’t know what to do.

It was like a marionette whose strings were cut, collapsing in the mud, not knowing which direction to go next. The confusion of being abandoned by the world.

At that time, it was Merlin who gave Mahina light, who gave her the hope to live.

Merlin never asked about Mahina’s past, because he didn’t want to touch the wound of losing her parents.

But Mahina didn’t bring it up simply because she felt her life after meeting Merlin was happier.

Merlin was truly Mahina’s world.

Mahina’s world was very small, so small that she could only build a little cabin in her heart. It only housed one person: Merlin.

When Merlin smiled, Mahina smiled. When Merlin cried, Mahina cried. It was that simple.

But Mahina… she had always been a timid girl.

Before meeting Merlin, she was bound by her parents’ twisted love and never dared to resist.

After meeting Merlin, lacking a sense of security, she chose to bind them together with a vow.

Mahina loved Merlin too much, to the point that Merlin was like a part of her.

If Merlin hated her, Mahina would surely lose the courage to stand up.

In short, she turned a blind eye to the problem. If Merlin really was two-timing, Mahina would probably only be able to watch helplessly like a powerless wife.

‘I’m afraid that the letters I send will vanish without a trace. I’m afraid that everything I give is just a one-sided act of self-satisfaction.’

‘I have to confirm with Merlin tomorrow.’

‘But when tomorrow comes, I get scared again.’

‘During that time on the battlefield, before I went to sleep, I always thought about it.’

‘I have no courage to confirm. I’m too afraid of getting hurt. I’m afraid Merlin has really betrayed me, afraid he will turn away.’

‘I’m a coward. I don’t have the courage to face the truth.’

‘Tomorrow… I start making excuses for myself again.’

‘Maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow. We’ll be heading to the battlefield again soon. After this is over, I’ll definitely confirm for sure.’

‘But… the longer I put it off, the more scared I become.’

‘I’m afraid Merlin really has another woman. I’m afraid he has truly let me down.’

‘I was really scared. As if facing life-and-death trials on the battlefield every day isn’t painful enough.’

‘If Merlin really betrayed me, I definitely couldn’t go on living.’

‘Because Merlin is truly my spiritual support on the battlefield.’

‘I… can’t afford to lose again. Merlin is my everything.’

‘So I’m afraid of loss, afraid of Merlin betraying me.’

‘Yes… there were so many clues. Even if I sneaked back one time…’

‘It’s my own fault. I always enjoyed Merlin’s love for me.’

‘Before the misunderstanding was cleared up, I rarely said “I love you” to Merlin.’

‘Because I’m timid. Because I’m shy.’

‘Even though Merlin often said it to me, I hoped he would understand my feelings even if I didn’t say it.’

‘How arrogant, how selfish. Maybe it’s because of this selfishness that the misunderstanding never got resolved, and instead grew bigger and bigger.’

‘If love isn’t said out loud, how can the other person understand?’

Under the dim light, Mahina looked at Merlin’s face, a huge wave of regret surging in her heart.

‘Human beings—each person is an isolated island. The soil they grow in is different, the wind and rain that brush them are different.’

‘Even the same word “hello” echoes differently in different people’s ears.’

‘If spoken words can be misunderstood, how much more so silence?’

‘What meaning is there in maintaining a maiden’s modesty, in those moments of shy silence?’

‘If I don’t say it out loud, if I don’t cut open my burning heart and show it to him, how could love ever be conveyed through thin air?’

‘Isn’t wishing for him to understand everything without saying a word the most arrogant thing of all?’