Zhong Li had just vented recklessly, thinking that someone as proud and self-important as him would surely be furious and sever ties with her.
She never expected him to lower his head, apologize to her, and even take back those harsh words, promising to change in the future.
In truth, during the first two years of their marriage, she was relieved that he was cold and taciturn, because she was not truly Xia Siyi. The half year or so the Xia family had trained her was not enough to turn a narrow-minded person into a refined lady of distinction.
So when she married Xiao Cizhi, she always felt uneasy inside, wishing he would never come home.
At first, his official duties were indeed busy, and he rarely returned home, but Old Madam Song did not see it that way.
Old Madam Song was someone the Xia family had placed by her side, an elder who had watched Xia Siyi grow up.
The Xia family stationed such a person beside her for two reasons: first, to constantly remind her not to slip up, and second, to supervise and guide her, teaching her how to quickly establish herself within the Xiao household.
Therefore, Old Madam Song had accompanied her to the Xiao residence for only a short time before reporting that before marriage, Xiao Cizhi had liked someone else. There was a portrait of that young lady hidden in his study—a woman said to be both talented and beautiful beyond compare. Even Xia Siyi herself could not measure up to half of that woman’s charm.
Zhong Li was not surprised that he liked such an outstanding woman; after all, he was a young genius among thousands.
Yet Old Madam Song was overly cautious, convinced that Xiao Cizhi’s heart belonged to another, and that he looked down on the Xia family’s new bride. The so-called busy official duties were just an excuse; in reality, he was deliberately neglecting her.
Zhong Li was happy to be ignored.
Because the Director of the Dali Temple had a pair of eyes that seemed to see through everything, every time those cold, clear eyes looked at her, Zhong Li felt as if he could see right through her.
Old Madam Song couldn’t bear to see her suffer such neglect, so every day she nagged her, teaching her how to please her husband, saying that only by winning his favor would her marriage into the Xiao family have meaning.
Her ears nearly grew calluses from hearing it all, but Xiao Cizhi still rarely returned home, and even when he did, he stayed locked away in his study, never giving her a chance to win his affection.
Eventually, because Old Madam Song kept prying into the Xiao family’s affairs and angered Xiao Cizhi, she was sent away.
Then, the two maids who had come as part of the Xia family’s dowry were sold off due to some mishaps, leaving her without anyone from the Xia family nearby. Her confidence dwindled further.
Fortunately, Xiao Cizhi never discovered that she had married on behalf of someone else. The two of them lived quietly and uneventfully for two years, until an unexpected consummation brought them a bit closer.
He was cold, not very considerate or gentle, upright and traditional, methodical in everything he did. More importantly, Zhong Li always kept in mind that she was vastly inferior to him—they were incompatible, and she could not let herself hope for anything.
Yet she betrayed her own heart and hopelessly fell for him.
Had she not liked him, she might have continued to be manipulated by the Xia family and act on their behalf. But now that she cared for him, she could no longer tolerate the Xia family’s greedy demands.
So she began to resist them, once, twice, three times. The Xia family became displeased and secretly warned her more than once.
Once, they sent news of her grandfather’s death, demanding she plead with Xiao Cizhi to help them free someone from prison, in exchange for care of her grandmother.
Zhong Li knew the person the Xia family wanted to free had committed a serious crime, and that to free him would require corruption.
She also knew Xiao Cizhi would never do such a thing, so she dared not bring it up to him.
But the Xia family pressed hard, leaving her trapped and unable to speak. In the end, she chose to sever ties with them, leaving behind an apology letter for Xiao Cizhi and fleeing back home to care for her grandmother.
She didn’t leave immediately but moved her grandmother to another house—partly to avoid Xiao Cizhi and partly to escape the Xia family.
She originally planned to move out of the city once her grandmother’s health improved, but unexpectedly, Xiao Cizhi found her sooner than she thought.
He told her he had long known about her substituting marriage.
He said he did not blame her.
He asked why she had left and even guessed she had been threatened by the Xia family.
In truth, whether it was the Xia family’s threats, her grandfather’s passing, or her frail grandmother needing care, these were reasons for her departure but not the most important ones.
The real reason was that she knew he had a “white moonlight” in his heart—a woman from the Pei family, the elder sister of the Pei eldest young madam, now the sharp Princess Rui.
She was close to Pei’s eldest young madam, Shen Youran, and had the fortune of meeting this Princess Rui, who was dignified and noble, graceful in demeanor, and whose extraordinary aura outshone even her beauty.
At the moment Zhong Li saw her, she felt utterly ashamed.
That was why she lashed out at Xiao Cizhi, saying she didn’t like him and found him dull and boring—not only to vent her frustration but to cover up her own insecurity.
Enough, she thought. Don’t ask her anymore. She had already sunk to the lowest depths and didn’t want him to look down on her further.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ve been a competent wife.”
“Those things I just said… I’ll change, I promise…”
He said this.
His soft voice was like a fine wine, intoxicating.
His handsome face softened with tenderness as he slowly leaned toward her.
At his approach, Zhong Li’s fleeting thoughts instantly froze, and she turned her head to avoid him.
He paused, then reflected, “Sorry, you said I was arbitrary and overbearing. I should have asked for your opinion.”
“I… may I kiss you?”
Zhong Li shook her head, saying no.
He tilted his head and kissed her anyway.
She pushed his shoulder, breaking free from his lips briefly, and emphasized, “I said no just now.”
“But your expression clearly says yes. My physiognomy doesn’t always err,” he said as his thin lips brushed hers, “You’ve fallen for me.”
Not a question, but a statement made with certainty that didn’t need her response.
Then came a kiss so thorough that she had no chance to speak.
Zhong Li, held in his arms, whose hands had once pushed him away, now moved with a hesitancy that was both resistance and invitation. Grasping at a disheveled fold of his sleeve on his shoulder…
That night, after putting her grandmother to bed, she delayed going to the adjoining room.
The small rented house she lived in had only two bedrooms separated by a modest hall.
Grandmother slept in the left room; Zhong Li was to sleep in the right.
Now, Xiao Cizhi was in the right room.
She had urged him to stay at the inn. This place was small and shabby, with no running water even, and the only warm spot was a clay kang, meant for her grandmother. The right room had only a small bed with a thin mattress, something someone of his status surely couldn’t bear.
Yet he refused to leave. “If you, a weak woman, can sleep here, why can’t I?”
“But you’re used to bathing every night, and I don’t have water…” She had intended to have a water seller bring some water in the evening, but he interrupted, leaving only enough for cooking dinner. The rest was heated for warm water to wash feet, barely enough for both to wash up.
Bathing was out of the question; there was not even enough water to wipe themselves properly.
Still, he stayed, saying it was fine to skip bathing for a day.
She couldn’t chase him away and reluctantly accepted it.
She had planned to squeeze in with her grandmother that night, but her family at home, usually careless, had today remembered her marriage and urged her to sleep early.
The cold was unbearable, and biting her lip, she went to the right room: fine, she thought, since he had kissed her twice today, her virtue was already compromised. What mattered was she was tired and just wanted to sleep.
A small oil lamp burned in the corner, hanging from a wooden hook. Its tiny flame flickered at the edge of the dark lamp shade, barely piercing the darkness.
This place was not the Xiao residence; even candle oil was precious here.
When she fled the Xia family, she hadn’t taken much—just a small amount of silver for travel. She didn’t want to owe Xiao Cizhi too much.
Therefore, life was somewhat strained, requiring strict frugality.
The faint smell of lamp oil hung in the air—not very pleasant.
His usual clothes smelled of perfume, but now that fragrance blended with the oil’s sour smell.
Xiao Cizhi lay on the outer side of the bed, seeing her enter, he left the warm spot for her and shifted inward.
Since she had chosen to come in, she stopped being pretentious, undressed quickly, pulled back the quilt, and slipped in.
The moment she lay down, he stretched out his arm, resting it just under her neck.
Zhong Li felt awkward: during the day she had run and dodged him, even scolding him, and now lying in his arms, she felt like a clown making a fool of herself.
So she turned over, back to him.
Yet he drew closer anyway.
His arm naturally wrapped around her waist, pulling her into his embrace.
“You said you wanted an ordinary married life. I think on such a cold night, ordinary couples must sleep holding each other for warmth…”
Oddly, despite having done more intimate things, the first time they simply held each other while sleeping made Zhong Li somewhat uncomfortable.
“What I said during the day was careless. You don’t have to take it seriously.”
“I know those weren’t your true feelings. Ah Li, you’re not good at lying…”
Zhong Li said nothing.
“There’s something I still have to ask,” he spoke not in an interrogating tone but calmly and gently, “Did the Xia family threaten you?”
She had been avoiding this question, but since he could see through her, Zhong Li no longer hid it: “Yes, they wanted me to do something. I refused. They are very unhappy with me…”
Just as he had guessed; his physiognomy had never been wrong.
“What did they want you to do?”
Zhong Li told him the whole story.
Xiao Cizhi finally pieced together all the reasons she left him: the Xia family’s coercion, her grandfather’s death, her filial duty to her grandmother, and her dissatisfaction with him.
The matter was finally out in the open, yet one thing still lodged in his throat.
“Were you and that Chunshan brother childhood sweethearts?”
“Yes.”
“You said you were even discussing marriage, so you liked him back then?”
“Yes.”
Zhong Li wasn’t afraid of dredging up old memories. She had liked Chunshan before the substitute marriage. Besides, he himself had liked someone, remaining faithful to his white moonlight for two years.
In this regard, they were even, and no one could accuse the other.
“He liked you too?”
“Of course.” Otherwise, they wouldn’t have discussed marriage.
“So you two, young and innocent, mutual affection?”
From those words, she sensed his tone was no longer gentle and bore a hint of agitation.
“That’s past. I don’t want to talk about it,” Zhong Li shifted, showing her displeasure, “Are you going to interrogate me again?”
“Not interrogation.” His large hand on her waist slid under her clothes. “I’m jealous.”
Zhong Li gasped softly where he pinched and quickly warned, “We didn’t bathe tonight. No intimate relations.”
“I know,” his breath brushed her ear. “Until I learn other positions, I won’t demand anything from you.”
“You still…” She was about to scold him for mischief, but felt his hand slide lower again.
She sighed in relief.
She had relaxed too soon…
His hand didn’t stop when passing her waist.
“I didn’t bathe, but my hands are very clean.” Her hands, resting near her neck, circled her waist, holding back her arm as she tried to stop him. “How deep was your affection with that Chunshan brother?”
His embrace from behind suited the method he was now using perfectly.
Zhong Li’s breath suddenly quickened, curling into a shrimp in his arms.
“You… bastard…”
“Did he hold your hand?”
“Did he hug you?”
“Did you ever kiss him?”
“Did he touch you anywhere else?”
“Bastard Xiao Cizhi… bastard…” Honest Zhong Li rarely cursed, but only whispered “bastard” repeatedly, trembling.
Xiao Cizhi bit her ear: “Ah Li, answer me. Don’t lie…”
Under his dual tactics, Zhong Li reluctantly confessed the truth.
“He didn’t hold my hand… didn’t hug me… He stole a kiss on my cheek… other than hands and face, he didn’t touch anywhere else…”
Unfair!
Xiao Cizhi thought: Though he liked Shen Yunshu, it was an emotional but respectful affection, without any improper actions. Why then did that Chunshan man hold her hand and kiss her cheek?
Moreover, they had been childhood sweethearts for so many years.
The jealousy that welled up in his heart traveled along the veins of his arm, twisting fiercely as it reached his hand…