The corner of the room was piled high with yellowed letters. Some had even been nibbled and corroded by insects, stacking up in a daunting heap.
The edges of some envelopes were marred by tiny gaps carved by moths. The dark yellow paper gave off the scent of old ink, mingled with the odor of mold and damp earth.
700 letters…
The man who had accompanied her to the Talane Estate yesterday was once again wearing his Post Office uniform. He had personally delivered these letters, which had been delayed for several years.
A middle-aged man, his face etched with the hardships of time, wore a faded, yellowing Post Office uniform. Carrying a bulging bag, he walked slowly through the Academy. This sight alone was enough to pique the students’ curiosity.
Moreover, he had received special permission to enter the girls’ dormitory and now stood before the door of Mahina, the girl everyone had been gossiping about lately.
It was hard not to attract attention.
Mahina had received the news in advance. She had been waiting at her dormitory door for a long time. Although she wanted to simply leave the door open and wait, she considered her current situation.
‘If I keep the door open, something unpleasant might happen,’ she thought, so she decided against it.
Mahina chose to close the door and pulled up a chair to sit beside it.
After the man delivered the letters, he gave Mahina a formal bow.
Then, he hoisted another large bag onto his back and left without looking back. Mahina did not open her door again.
Mahina took out a separate Magic Pocket and, as if handling precious treasure, placed the letters inside one by one, leaving only 100 piled on the table.
This was proof that Merlin loved her.
Just looking at these letters brought tears to Mahina’s eyes.
Merlin once said that every time she wrote a letter, she would count how many she had written. If she just kept track of those numbers, they would become evidence of their love when they reunited in the future.
Yes… this was the evidence that Merlin loved her…
The man had said it — exactly 700 letters.
What Merlin said was true; she really had written to her nearly every day.
Tears welled in her eyes, blurring Mahina’s vision.
Attending school and everything else no longer mattered. Right now, Mahina only wanted to know what Merlin had written.
‘No, I can’t cry!’
‘Mahina… why are you crying?’
‘Is it because of the joy of finally being certain of Merlin’s feelings back then?’
‘Or is it anger at my useless self?’
Tears fell one by one. Mahina suddenly snapped out of it and, in a panic, reached out to shove the letters on the table further away.
Because these letters had been hidden in dark, damp corners for so long, the paper had become brittle and fragile. They had already survived the corrosion of time; they must not be ruined by cheap tears.
To avoid being discovered, the letters had to be hidden in remote, secluded places in batches, so they were not well-preserved.
Fortunately, they were only yellowed, and the handwriting was not blurred.
After learning what had happened, it was a miracle that these precious letters had been preserved and delivered safely into Mahina’s hands.
Mahina bit her lower lip hard until she tasted the metallic, rust-like tang of blood, barely managing to stop her sobbing. She took a deep breath.
With trembling hands, Mahina opened the first letter according to its date.
It was a letter written less than one month after the two had parted, during the time when Mahina was still full of hope, waiting for a reply.
Along with the faint sound of the stationery unfolding, a familiar voice seemed to whisper in her ear across the long years.
***
Dear Mahina:
I hope this letter finds you well.
I miss you so much. The days since we parted have been duller than I imagined. Are you doing well?
I miss you so much.
Even if it sounds arrogant, I didn’t think I was this kind of person. Even if you left for a while, I thought all I had to do was wait for you at home and welcome you back at any time.
I can do nothing for you, so I have nothing to say; I can only wait.
These days are like a cup of low-quality coffee that is constantly being watered down. The taste is so thin that I can’t distinguish any flavor, leaving only a lingering emptiness in my mouth.
I struggle alone, I am hurt alone, and I lick my wounds alone. The years feel so long that it seems there is no end.
I used to think I was used to such days.
But you gave my world color.
Now that the color has to fade, it causes me extreme pain.
After returning home, there is no one to greet me, and there is no longer hot food on the table.
The food you cooked no longer exists, completely replaced by the familiar smell of dampness and mold.
Well… it sounds like nonsense, but that’s how much I miss you, from morning until night.
Even though I know that even if I write down my longing, you won’t receive it immediately, I still wrote to you.
Because if I can’t vent my feelings for you, I might go crazy.
The original version was even more embarrassing and boring, just a bunch of nonsense about missing you. In the end, I deleted and edited it over and over, refining it into this version before copying it onto the letter paper.
By the way, I wrote those drafts on the floor. Even if you come back, don’t expect to find them; I wiped them away long ago.
I will wait for you forever.
Stay safe.
***
Yes… if an outsider saw this, they would probably find it very boring.
Mahina’s fingertips gently brushed the rough, frayed edges of the letter, her eyes trying to focus on that crooked line: “Stay safe.”
But in the next second, her vision completely collapsed.
She could no longer control her tears. Even though she bit her lip hard, trying to restrain the droplets, the tears still surged like a dam breaking.
‘Merlin…’
‘Merlin…’
‘My Merlin…’
‘I… yes… how could I not believe you?’
‘I was so suspicious, so fragile. My Merlin, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault.’
To Mahina, who had received the education of a noble lady, this letter was completely inadequate.
The handwriting was as scrawled as that of a child who had just learned to hold a pen, and there were even obvious signs of corrections in some places.
Typos were scattered throughout like annoying little pebbles.
To save paper and to squeeze in even one more sentence, the entire sheet was packed with writing, with no layout to speak of, making her eyes ache.
And those clumsy metaphors.
Things like “low-quality coffee watered down” and “years feel so long.”
That idiot probably learned those phrases deliberately while reading cheap novels.
They felt so stiff and pretentious in the letter, and reading them even gave her a sense of comical incongruity.
The ending was an even bigger mess of sentimentality, a completely disorganized account of daily life.
This letter was truly ugly.
But… why?
Why couldn’t she stop her tears?
“Ugh… ah…”
Mahina’s hands gripped the thin stationery tightly, yet she didn’t dare use too much force, fearing she would crush it.
‘I can’t damage it…’
‘This is a letter that went through so much hardship just to reach my hands.’
‘It’s… it’s the proof that Merlin loves me.’
She had clearly possessed so much love, yet she hadn’t been satisfied.
Really, she had actually doubted Merlin.
She should have believed in Merlin until the very end!
Hot tears fell like a broken string of pearls, one by one, dropping heavily onto the skirt of her uniform.
The fabric was quickly soaked, spreading into large water stains like a scar that could not be washed away.
This letter, full of grammatical errors and smelling of cheap ink, was 10,000 times heavier than the gold-stamped love letters scented with expensive perfume that noble sons had sent her in the past.
Those perfect letters were weightless.
But this ugly letter —
It was so heavy she could barely hold it.
All the flowery words in the world combined
Could not compare to this one clumsy sentence —
“I miss you so much.”