Since the quarrel on that day, neither of them was willing to be the first to give in. At night, one slept in the bedroom, the other in the study. After five days of sleeping separately like this, Shen Youran finally couldn’t hold back any longer.
She hated having to count the days they spent apart like this. After his recent bout of chills, his health had worsened a bit, and the good days they had ahead of them were precious—how could they be wasted on a cold war?
Enough. For the sake of his poisoning, she would be the first to lower her pride.
That night, Shen Youran carefully prepared herself. After bathing with flower petals, she knocked on the study door.
Pei Huaijin opened it. Outside stood a woman with her black hair half pinned up, her complexion radiant and pure, her jade-like fairy appearance as if she had stepped down from the moon—a beauty so stunning it took one’s breath away.
He caught the scent of her just-bathed body—damp with floral fragrance. She must have scattered petals in her bath tonight.
Clearly, she came prepared.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared blankly for a moment before asking, “So late… why have you come?”
“If you don’t come find me, then I have to come find you.” Shen Youran blinked at him, her dark almond eyes filled with a rare charm and tenderness. “Let me in quickly, it’s cold outside.”
She wore a cloak thick enough, yet still felt cold?
Pei Huaijin hurriedly let her in, taking her hand, which indeed felt chilled.
He instinctively wanted to pull her into his embrace to warm her, but the purpose of deliberately neglecting her all these days stopped him mid-impulse.
He released her hand and sat back behind his desk. “Are you here to persuade me to change my mind?”
In fact, his earlier words agreeing to let his seventh brother marry Meng Wanxin were not from his true heart.
A few days ago, he had visited his grandmother’s Chuangxuan Hall—not to convince her, but simply to accompany her for tea and conversation.
Grandmother had already found out that the drowning incident was deliberately caused by Meng Wanxin, yet it had dragged Shen Youran and the seventh brother’s reputations down with it. She was now demanding his mother send Meng Wanxin away as soon as possible.
Pei Huaijin hadn’t told Shen Youran any of this, planning instead to slowly drain her affection for him. He hadn’t expected that tonight she would take the initiative to come find him.
Her legs went weak as she settled into his embrace.
A fragrant, soft arm slid around his neck. She coyly acted spoiled in his arms. “Can we stop ignoring each other? You apologize to me, I’ll forgive you, and then we’ll live happily like before. Is that okay?”
Her voice was soft enough to squeeze water out of a stone, yet she demanded an apology.
Pei Huaijin knew well he was in the wrong—whether regarding his seventh brother’s matter or hurting her heart by bringing up the time she was kidnapped. Ever since that day, her disappointed and wounded eyes had haunted his mind at night, tossing and turning, making him want to sit up and slap himself.
But every word he said was meant to hurt her.
He knew she wouldn’t agree to leave him over this one thing, so this was only the beginning. There would be more disappointments ahead.
Love can grow with time, but so can estrangement. Relationships are worn down by countless small things. When disappointment accumulates, feelings dissipate, and naturally, she would leave him.
So even though she came to him first, Pei Huaijin still suppressed the urge to hold her tight, steeling himself to be the one to disappoint her: “I’m doing this for your reputation. Why should I apologize to you?”
“Don’t think I don’t know. You deliberately quarrelled with me for this reason, didn’t you?” Shen Youran’s eyes sharpened. After their fight, she was indeed very angry, but upon reflection, it didn’t sit right. He was not a selfish man.
If he were selfish, why would he, upon learning he was poisoned, repeatedly urge her to divorce and remarry, even picking out the woman for her to marry?
She connected the dots: recently, she had overheard him mention divorce more than once. Had he changed tactics? Soft didn’t work, so now he was playing hard?
The more she thought about it, the more she believed it was true. Otherwise, why would a gentleman suddenly change his nature?
To test her theory, Shen Youran even went to the Chuangxuan Hall when he was out during the day. From the old lady, she learned he hadn’t persuaded grandmother to approve Pei Huaian’s marriage to Meng Wanxin. So her suspicion was confirmed.
He was deliberately provoking her, wanting her to dislike him.
“I’ll tell you, I’m no longer the naive Shen Youran who was fooled by you last year. Standing before you now is a clever, sharp-witted Shen Youran!”
Last year, before their marriage, he blamed her for the kidnap during the forced marriage switch.
She had been foolish then, truly scared by him. Though unwilling in her heart, she tearfully agreed to the exchange.
But if it were now, she wouldn’t accept the blame for the kidnap. It wasn’t directed at her. Even if someone loved her enough to snatch her in marriage, wouldn’t they take responsibility?
She wouldn’t leave. She would cling to him and make him take responsibility.
Hearing her words almost broke his composure.
Saying that the clever Shen Youran stood before him, he couldn’t help but chuckle, “You should get off my leg first…”
Shen Youran sensed his weakening defenses and took the chance, stepping down from his leg to stand in front of him, once again asking, “Can you apologize to me now?”
Pei Huaijin withdrew the faint smile he had just revealed, his face turning cold again. “No.”
“You still don’t want to apologize, huh?” Shen Youran pinched the edge of her cloak with a sly glint in her eyes. “Then I’m going to use my ultimate weapon!”
Pei Huaijin saw that instead of getting angry, she looked confident. What was this so-called ultimate weapon?
He watched leisurely as she blinked her long lashes and then suddenly opened her cloak.
Beneath the heavy cloak was a sheer, gossamer thin dress that barely concealed the honey lotus-colored undergarment and her smooth, fair skin.
Pei Huaijin was dazzled. Before he could take a closer look, she closed the cloak again, covering her from neck to ankle.
Her cheeks blushed deeply, but her aura remained strong: “Will you apologize or not?”
Though he had seen her body many times before, this time, the thin veil only made him want to explore more.
“I didn’t see clearly. Let me see again.” His throat suddenly went dry. After five nights of sleeping alone in the study, unable to touch her soft body, being tempted like this shook even his usual calm and steadiness.
Seeing he had taken the bait, Shen Youran smiled and said, “Apologize, and I’ll let you look.”
His heart raced, and he exhaled a heated breath. “Good, let me take another look.”
But she didn’t let him look, pulling her cloak tighter, swaying her waist smugly. “Pervert, apologize to me quickly.”
Pei Huaijin suddenly stood up. Shen Youran instinctively took a step back.
He advanced as she retreated until she was cornered against the wall, nowhere to run. He lifted his arm to trap her, the heavy scent of musk following.
“Will you undress yourself, or shall I help you?”
“You—you haven’t apologized yet.” Shen Youran lifted her chin defiantly.
“If you undress, I’ll apologize.”
“Really?”
“Mm.”
“Move aside, this outfit looks best under the lamp.”
There was a glazed lantern in the study. Shen Youran moved under its light, slowly removing her cloak under his unwavering gaze.
The lamp’s glow poured over her, making the sheer dress nearly transparent, like a light mist gently shrouding her, her icy skin shining like a pearl with a soft halo, like blossoms piled with snow.
She lowered her lashes slightly, her eyes sparkling in the candlelight as she smiled at him. Pei Huaijin lost himself.
“Apologize,” she said.
Pei Huaijin approached this glowing pearl. “Sorry, I was wrong that day.”
“Wrong where?”
“Everywhere.”
“Do you admit you said those things just to force me away?”
He stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t admit it—that would ruin everything.
Seeing his silence again, Shen Youran reached behind to untie the straps of her undergarment.
His gaze darkened sharply.
She continued upwards, undoing the strap at her neck.
The honey lotus-colored undergarment slipped to the floor.
His breath suddenly became uneven.
She looked straight at him. “Admit it. You said those things just to push me away?”
The intoxicating scene made Pei Huaijin’s last thread of reason and restraint dissolve like silk unraveling.
He exhaled harshly, grabbed her waist, and lifted her onto the desk. “You win, Shen Youran!”
He kissed her deeply, making her body go soft before lifting her bent legs. “Be good. Tonight, don’t sleep alone…”
After this, the two of them spent another stretch of sweet, honeyed days.
Later, whenever he resorted to old tricks, Shen Youran would dress plainly a few times, then prepare a sexy outfit and sway before him. His reason would crumble instantly.
As summer approached, he accidentally ate something contaminated and caught dysentery, falling ill for over ten days.
Shen Youran could feel how much these small ailments were wearing down his body—no less than a serious illness for a normal person.
He became more cautious about food and clothing, wearing an extra layer after summer began, but he gradually lost some weight.
During this time, Pei Huaian did not marry Meng Wanxin, opposed by grandmother.
Meng Wanxin grew increasingly awkward in the household. The Zhu family, seeing the marriage hopes dashed, found her a groom of lower status and married her off elsewhere.
After going to study at the Imperial Academy, Pei Huaian only returned home for three days each month. The rumors about the drowning incident slowly faded as the city buzzed with fresher gossip. After all, the capital was full of nobility, never short on juicy stories.
Shen Youran’s elder sister soon rose from the ninth rank of Purple Mist Robe to the position of Director, gaining considerable favor.
Xie Heng studied in the palace but had no achievements and wasn’t granted a title by the king. He didn’t mind, often sneaking outside the palace to visit the Pei household, bringing gifts gathered from inside, showing filial respect to the elders who once doted on him, then chatting with her in the Yun Zhi Courtyard. Occasionally, he’d meet Pei Huaian on leave, and the real and fake Pei Huaian would sit down for tea and compliment each other.
“I heard from sister earlier that His Majesty planned to arrange a marriage for you. Why has there been no news?”
Xie Heng smiled, “Ask your eldest brother.”
“What does eldest brother have to do with it?”
“The Emperor personally pointed me out for a match with a young lady from the Censor’s family. Last year, during the Southern Imperial Academy’s archery ceremony, your eldest brother stood out, and the young lady liked your eldest brother…”
“Oh, the young lady from the Jiang family,” Shen Youran recalled hearing this at her own family home. This young lady often disguised herself as a boy and invited eldest brother out. But the real match the Emperor wanted Xie Heng to arrange was not her.
“Since she can’t marry you, has my grandfather arranged any other matches for you?”
“No.”
“What about sister? Will you two still be together?”
“She’s busy with official duties, no time for love,” Xie Heng said irritably. “I think I’ve been fooled again…”
She had said that their temporary separation was for a better future together. But after parting, sister’s life was thriving while he was stuck, the needle buried for over half a year but rarely used.
When they had a rare moment of warmth, the moment she donned her official robe, she hurried him away. Sometimes, when they met in the palace, she’d pretend not to know him, walking around him.
It made him mad.
“I heard that the Xiao nobleman is also getting engaged,” Shen Youran sighed, “Actually, I think he and my sister would make a good match. I don’t understand why sister rejects him?”
Xie Heng’s eyes bulged with anger. “Who do you think I’m closer to? Me or Xiao nobleman? Did you consider my feelings when you said that?”
“He’s my ex-brother-in-law. Of course, I’m closer to you.”
“Drop the ‘ex’ and I’m still your brother-in-law!”
“Fine, as long as you’re happy.”
“I’m not happy! Say something nice to cheer me up.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“Tell me I’m better than Xiao Ci.”
“I haven’t told a lie in ages.”
“Is there really nothing about me that’s better than Xiao Ci?”
“There is—you’re better looking than Xiao nobleman.”
“Obviously.” Xie Heng lifted his chin. “What else?”
“You’re younger…”
“Say strengths.”
“You have a thicker skin.”
“…Is that even a strength?”
“That’s your strength…”
Inside the palace.
Shen Yunshu was ordered to deliver a document to His Majesty.
By her rank, she shouldn’t have the privilege to meet the emperor, but for some reason, this time she was personally assigned.
Since marrying Xie Heng last year and moving into the palace, she hadn’t had many chances to meet the sovereign.
Today was the first.
After the attendant announced her arrival, the study doors were opened for her.
Shen Yunshu composed herself, lowered her head respectfully, and stepped inside.
The man in the study wore a golden dragon robe. Over fifty years old, he had ruled for many years, exuding a majestic presence even without anger.
Thankfully, his relaxed eyelids covered most of the sharpness in his eyes. When he looked at her, there was a hint of kindness.
Shen Yunshu anxiously presented the document and was about to bow and leave when she was stopped.
The aging emperor’s voice was hoarse: “Yunshu, my girl, do you blame me for breaking you and Heng apart?”
Shen Yunshu hurried to say she never held a grudge and that being chosen as a court lady was her greatest honor.
“You’ve been a lady-in-waiting for a few years. It will be good experience. If Heng ever gains influence, you’ll be a good inner aide…”
Inner aide?
That was how emperors of the previous dynasty praised their empresses.
Shen Yunshu trembled and knelt down…
After leaving the study, Shen Yunshu’s heart was unsettled for a long time.
The emperor had finally accepted her. Though she was only a court lady and not officially Xie Heng’s wife, he had not yet become involved in politics. Her role as his wife would not affect state affairs; her loyalty was to the emperor.
If one day Xie Heng grew into the promising man the emperor wished for, the experience and abilities she gained as a court lady wouldn’t be wasted. She would be his worthy inner aide, supporting a wise ruler to bring prosperity.
Shen Yunshu looked up at the palace’s flying eaves and vermillion rails, basking in the bright, silent sunlight. At that moment, she felt bright and at ease.
Before leaving the palace, she visited the Imperial Medical Institute.
This time, Chief Physician Chen had found a potential way to cure Pei Huaijin’s poison from a newly compiled medical text.
However, it was a dangerous method of treating poison with poison. The chance of success was less than forty percent. Failure could damage his body or even cost his life. It required careful consideration.
After leaving the palace, Shen Yunshu told Shen Youran and Pei Huaijin about this.
“Chief Physician Chen says since the decoction can no longer penetrate the poison in your body, we can introduce another poison as a blade, using medicine as reins. There might be a chance…”
Shen Youran was naturally very happy but faltered when her sister said the chance of success was under half. If it failed, the worst outcome was Pei Huaijin’s immediate death.
She dared not take such a risk.
Even if the poison couldn’t be cured, he could still live several years, his health deteriorating but kept alive with medicine. Ten or even eight years were possible.
This poison-with-poison method was like gambling. No one knew if he would die or suffer worse consequences.
After pondering for several days, Shen Youran and Pei Huaijin decided not to risk it and wait for a safer, more effective cure.
Pei Huaijin agreed: “Alright, I’ll listen to you. We’ll wait.”
Thinking he had truly given up, Shen Youran didn’t bring it up again.
Not long after, Pei Huaijin told her he needed to travel to Yuzhou. The Right Metropolitan Censor there had merits in quelling unrest, and he was sent to deliver rewards to show the state’s gratitude.
Shen Youran asked when he would return.
“If all goes well, within half a month. If not…”
Shen Youran covered his mouth. “Don’t say unlucky things. You’re just going to deliver rewards. How could it go wrong?”
He took her hand and kissed it. “I said if, if things go wrong, if I die like last time or worse, don’t grieve too long. Don’t remain a widow for me. Remarry if you must. Liang Xu hasn’t proposed yet…”
Shen Youran hated hearing such words. She threw herself into his arms, holding him tightly. “If you say that again, I won’t let you leave.”
“Alright, I won’t say it again.” He rubbed his chin against her hair, eyes filled with longing where she couldn’t see.
After he left with Qingjian, Shen Youran counted the days waiting for his return.
Half a month passed; he hadn’t returned. Shen Youran began losing sleep.
One month passed; he still hadn’t returned. Nightmares plagued her.
Three months passed; he still hadn’t returned. She already knew what had happened.
She went to her sister, crying: “Sister, did he choose that poison cure? Did he die?”
Shen Yunshu didn’t hide it anymore. “He didn’t die. The poison is gone, but there were complications. He needs time to recover.”
“Where is he?”
“Right here in the capital…”
Pei Huaijin had indeed been sent to Yuzhou but returned within ten days. He took a long leave but didn’t go home. Instead, he rented a house in the east of the city and invited Chief Physician Chen to treat his poisoning.
The poison-with-poison treatment was used for seven days. The two poisons fought within his body, both severely damaging each other. He was tortured to the brink of death.
Fortunately, the poison was cured and his life saved, but his body was badly damaged. He was unconscious for several days and only woke half a month ago, unable to move and with his mind a blank—he couldn’t remember anyone or anything.
Xie Heng eventually learned of this and was overwhelmed with guilt, bringing Chief Physician Chen daily to treat him in the palace, suspending his studies to stay by his side, recounting things he had forgotten.
Thankfully, Pei Huaijin’s condition improved daily. He regained sensation and was able to get out of bed and walk. His memory had returned up to his appointment in Lingzhou. Soon, his full memory would come back.
Even if third sister didn’t come to find her, Shen Yunshu planned to tell her this good news.
Shen Youran wept tears of joy upon hearing this and was eager to see him.
Late summer turned to early autumn, when four-gill perch and water shield were at their fattest.
Xie Heng had the imperial kitchen’s chef prepare dishes with these fresh ingredients to bring to his older brother.
The modest courtyard Xie Heng arranged was quiet and elegant. Pei Huaijin sat under the eaves admiring flowers. The summer blossoms had begun to show a faint tinge of autumn on their edges, swaying gently in the breeze.
His eyes gazed upon the flowers, enjoying the autumn scenery, but his mind was caught by memories just restored—springtime when willows first greened, on a grand wooden rainbow bridge, a graceful and refined young lady stood facing the wind.
The water rippled lightly, and the serene, dignified lady was like a delicate flower reflecting in the water, impossibly beautiful.
The fresh scent of food interrupted his thoughts.
Xie Heng carried a food box and walked over. “Brother, guess what delicious thing I brought you today?”
Pei Huaijin sniffed slightly. “Steamed perch, water shield soup.”
“You guessed right. Looks like your sense of smell has returned.” Xie Heng placed the box on the indoor table. “Still hot. Brother, come inside quickly.”
Pei Huaijin grabbed his bamboo cane and stood, heading inside.
He had been unconscious for so long that his legs were still weak, but Chief Physician Chen assured him with exercise, he’d soon recover fully.
Just as he stepped over the threshold, hurried footsteps came from outside the Moon Gate.
Someone was running this way.
Pei Huaijin turned his head.
A young lady in a golden rose-colored layered skirt appeared in his line of sight, running swiftly as if stepping on the wind. Her skirt traced light arcs in the air, like blooming trumpet creepers…
She entered the courtyard and, upon seeing him, finally stopped, eyes shimmering with moisture.
Xie Heng slipped in behind him, grinning mischievously. “Brother, do you know who she is?”
“I do,” his racing heart told him, “She’s the girl I fell in love with at first sight…”