Chapter 59: To My Dear Sister Selin

To my dear Sister Selin:

I know my behavior over these past few days has troubled you.

I have thought about it for a long time, and I feel some things can only be confessed this way.

If possible, I also wish everything between us was exactly as I imagined—beautiful and pure as it was at the beginning.

But the questions lingering in my mind are simply impossible to ignore.

I find I cannot hide anything from you after all, so I have decided to write down exactly what I am thinking.

First, when you saw through my disguise at the Church, after I saved the Princess, you gave me a Ring.

Inside was a map that led to my house.

I wonder now if all of this was planned by you from the very start.

Were you just waiting for me to arrive that day?

No matter whether I spoke my oath or not, you would have found me and made me live here.

I never cared about this detail before, but now, I cannot help but look back at every moment we spent together.

I want to find the possibility that we would eventually fall in love with a True Heart, but the more I look, the more I realize how slim that possibility is.

Second, is the truth behind Rosa’s departure that you isolated me from all social contact so that you would be my only spiritual anchor?

That way, I would be completely unable to leave you.

Was that your original purpose?

This is only a suspicion; I have no actual evidence.

After all, Rosa is indeed staying with Laedel, and it was Rosa’s own initiative to come find me, with Laedel being just an attendant.

I want to believe what you told me, but this thought is so terrifying that the more I resist and avoid it, the clearer it becomes in my mind.

Finally, regarding the Boundary Gate we closed together…

Did you lie to me?

Did you lie to Croll as well?

In truth, the Boundary Gate was never destroyed; you only used Disguise Magic to hide it.

That is why you were so confident that we would all escape unharmed and that Croll would not face judgment.

Because in essence, the gates Croll destroyed did not deal a devastating blow to Visa’s Conquest Plan, as you protected most of them.

One day.

There will come a day when I can never leave you, when I have become a slave to your love.

I will have turned into a coward afraid of death because of love, and the arrival of war will not awaken my duty as a Demon Princess.

At that time, the Demon God will not descend, and your Kingdom of Visa will achieve a true victory.

Because the girl forced to become the Demon King will be nothing but a fool obsessed with love.

I can imagine that day coming.

Of course, I hope this possibility is false.

Of course, I hope all my concerns are just wild fantasies.

But… Sister Selin, I must tell you this: I still have a conscience.

I will always keep my conscience, and I will always love my people of the Demon Race.

If war truly breaks out, and if I am truly forced to walk a path opposite to yours, I will surely leave you without hesitation to protect my people.

Just like you, just like how you deeply love your Human believers, I think you should understand this feeling.

If from the very beginning, our being together was just a carefully designed lie…

If all the beauty between us, my happy and sweet romance with you, was just a phantom, a mirage I can never truly reach…

If this is the truth hidden behind your back, the entire truth you have kept from me…

I… I… I…

I probably could not accept this fact.

My heart would likely shatter into pieces.

How I wish the contents of this letter were false.

How I wish you could come before me with a clear conscience, hold me, and say gently that all of this is a lie.

But would a true Saintess treat me this way?

Would she sincerely give me the tenderness I desire?

If all of this is false, then my suspicions will surely make you angry and disappoint you.

How I wish it were all false.

I would kneel and beg for your forgiveness.

I would sincerely apologize to you, say I was wrong, and promise never to have such wild thoughts again.

But the Sister Selin who truly likes me and cares for me would surely embrace me with tenderness and forgive me, right?

How I wish these possibilities had never appeared in my heart.

I wish I could be as foolish as you planned for me to be.

But the thought of my Demon Race people being trampled by war, of the Demon country being torn apart, makes my heart ache as if pierced by knives.

I have thought for a very, long time.

I have no choice but to list all the doubts in my heart to you.

Between us lies an unignorable contradiction, an insurmountable chasm, a problem we must face even if we are unwilling.

Iserin, do you know who you are?

Iserin, do you know who I am?

Iserin, do you know the consequences of being with me?

Iserin, do you know that everyone in this world would oppose a romance between us, and that only we—perhaps even only I—am longing for this impossible love?

You do not know?

Or is it that you know everything, and this is just a conspiracy?

Have you never intended to give me your True Heart from the beginning?

I know you have the ability to keep me drowning in this dream of lies.

You are the omnipotent Sister Selin, you are my greatest love, and you are certain that I will trust you.

But I beg of you, after consulting your heart, to still be able to deny my suspicions with a clear conscience.

I love you, Sister Selin.

My love for you is without reservation.

Because you are the omnipotent Sister Selin, because you are the flawless Lady Saint, the beautiful Angel praised by the world, the noble deity who saves all living beings.

Because of these things, I fell in love with you.

Because you possess all the beautiful qualities I yearn for, I fell in love with you.

But if these are all just a disguise of lies, a gilded exterior used to deceive others…

I…

I can only wait for your answer.

I can only wait for your judgment.

Judging me, and judging you.

Judging which of us failed the other, and who failed to give their True Heart.

It is just… I wish so much that all of this was false.

I wish you were still that flawless, gentle, and kind Sister Selin whom I would follow willingly.

—Mowan.

***

Iserin’s fingers pinched the edges of the letter.

She stared at every word.

Mowan’s declaration signaled the nominal success of her plan, but also its substantial failure.

She had succeeded in making Mowan fall in love with her, but Mowan had not abandoned her people for her as she had predicted.

No matter how one looked at it, this was an absurd plan—a challenging plan set unilaterally by Iserin.

A terrible plan that seemed like it would bring a sense of achievement if successful but would actually leave one’s conscience condemned.

Yet, Visa’s Conquest Plan required her to control Mowan, no matter the cost.

The original plan was to deprive Mowan of her personal freedom and her choice of life and death.

As long as Mowan could still breathe and the Descent of the Demon God did not occur, the Saintess could do whatever she wanted to the Demon Princess.

It was she who had been soft-hearted and chosen the current plan.

But was she truly being soft-hearted?

Iserin questioned her own soul.

‘Am I truly being soft-hearted?’

She was cruelly deceiving Mowan’s feelings and exercising mental control over her.

Had there really been a single moment where her heart softened?

The Saintess was hypocritical.

Beneath Iserin’s bright white robes was a turbid heart shrouded in darkness.

Iserin gently set down the letter and lowered her head, her eyes dimming.

A Saintess did not need salvation.

A Saintess who governed a nation and led humanity toward the future did not need salvation.

But Iserin needed salvation.

The person named Iserin needed a grand salvation.

But how was she to face Mowan?

How should she choose between her mission and her humanity?