After settling into the room, Hai Shi said she wanted to go out for a stroll, so I simply brought Xi Si Te, Ou Mi You, and Le Paxi along.
Leng Qiongling said she was too tired today and refused.
I stayed alone in the room, brewing a cup of black tea from the tea leaves I always carry.
This habit I learned from Le Paxi.
But carrying a favorite item with me really does allow my heart to temporarily hide within it during leisurely moments.
“Captain? Can I come in?”
Leng Qiongling’s voice came from outside the door, the fatigue in it clearly conveyed to me.
I tidied up the room a bit, took out a folding chair, and told Leng Qiongling she could come in.
She had already changed out of her combat suit and put on a sky-blue spaghetti strap dress with a white outer layer over it.
The completely different aura from when she wore military or combat uniforms reminded me that before all this, she was just an ordinary young girl in the bloom of youth.
If not for that attack, she should be strolling on campus now, not trekking through the sand-filled desert.
She should be holding books and pens, not deadly weapons.
She should be learning peaceful knowledge, not crazy killing techniques.
So I almost blurted out, “Do you… hate us?”
As if my words were too abrupt, Leng Qiongling stood frozen in place.
I didn’t mind her and continued almost to myself.
“Because of us, the existence of the Madman Squad. And even more because of me. Because of me, this squad, the Madmen exist in this state—despised yet ordered around, protecting humanity yet forgotten. You could have lived in the greenhouse they built for you, only needing to undergo their experimental assistance regularly, and never have to step foot in the stinking slaughterhouse again, never have to pick up strange weapons. You could have stayed safely within the walls for the rest of your life, until the day everything ends.”
“When that day comes… your existence will be forgotten. Maybe before that, you’ll be exiled to a barren land, executed, or left to fend for yourselves. I can’t tell if that’s a good ending or a bad one. Perhaps after struggling, you might indeed get what you hope for. But that’s also uncertain. Moreover, I made choices for you without permission, depriving you of your rights as free souls. That’s an indisputable fact.”
“No matter how beautiful the ending, the hardships on this road will cling to you like enchanted vines, growing terrifying black thorns to pierce your skin, rot your flesh, drain your spirit, and crush your soul. You can’t cut them off, can’t get rid of them, can’t even resist them. You can only let them torment you endlessly, helpless and powerless. This helplessness will accompany you for life, never to be released.”
I almost said all this in one breath.
During my speech, Leng Qiongling tried to interrupt several times but gave up because I didn’t pause at all.
After hearing my words, she sat silently on the folding chair I had brought, crossing her hands and rubbing them together.
“I… I don’t know… I’m not clear… My life vanished in an instant, and I can’t even grasp a trace of it.”
“I hadn’t even had time to adapt to my new identity before I was mercilessly abandoned. My confusion had no guide, my sorrow had no one to listen, my anger had no one to accept. I can’t even… confirm what I really am in others’ eyes.”
“I know nothing about my own future. I only hope someone will show me a path, whether it’s full of thorns or bathed in sunlight.”
“As for the other path you mentioned, Captain, I can’t discern whether it’s good or bad compared to this current path—whether to completely hand over my fate to others in exchange for limited comfort, or to actively fight and seek the slim chance of survival.”
“But I… still think… this way… isn’t a bad choice either.”
“Leng Qiongling…”
I looked into her eyes, which were staring directly at me.
I now realized her amber eyes were so bright.
Unconsciously, she had already come to terms with her situation.
“Everyone… Le Paxi, Xi Si Te, Hai Shi, Ou Mi You, and you, Captain—your existence makes the fear I’ve always had for myself gradually seem so insignificant. Your laughter, your trust in each other, your feelings—they’ve made me understand that I haven’t turned into a monster I don’t recognize. I’m still a living, breathing human.”
Leng Qiongling touched her chest; her heartbeat was slow and calm.
But then she suddenly grabbed her clothes, her slender fingers turning pale.
“But… I still… I am afraid of you all. The way you massacre monsters makes me tremble so much I almost think I have epilepsy. I can’t resonate with that… morbid desire of yours. So I can’t become your comrade.”
Leng Qiongling lowered her head, staring at her hand clutching her clothes.
I sat up straight, pushed the teacup on the table toward her, then took out another cup and poured some black tea.
“That’s fine too.”
Holding my cup, I walked to Leng Qiongling’s side, crouched down by her feet, and looked up at her.
“Originally, this squad wasn’t formed by like-minded people. Everyone was forced, coming with their own grievances and hatred. Their goals are different—some want to reclaim their past lives, some want to find their lost past, some want to find what interests them in this world.”
I looked straight into Leng Qiongling’s eyes.
“So I also hope that you, Leng Qiongling, can find something to hold on to. Whether it’s an object or a hobby, I hope you find it.”
“Captain…”
Leng Qiongling gripped the teacup, her mouth pressed into a line.
Then she suddenly relaxed her hand, and the expression on her face gradually softened.
“Mm. I will definitely find it.”
“That’s good.”
I wanted to stand up, but then I realized that Leng Qiongling and I were already so close that we could hear each other’s breathing.
So I quickly pretended nothing was wrong and sat back in my chair.
Leng Qiongling looked at me, fidgeting.
I couldn’t help asking her what she wanted to say.
“Well, Captain, it’s that… my weapon is broken, so I don’t have a weapon to use now. Can you help me think of something?”
“A weapon… that’s not impossible. It should still be in time now.”
I dialed an acquaintance’s number.
While waiting for her to answer, I asked, “Leng Qiongling, what kind of weapon do you want?”
“Me? Hmm… I still want a sword-shaped weapon.”
“That’s OK. I’ll take care of it.”
I gestured for Leng Qiongling to be quiet for a moment.
After she indicated she understood, the person on the other end of the line immediately started making a ruckus.
“Hey, hey, hey, why are you calling me again? Did your team members find something new or what?”
“I have a new member. Need to make a sword-shaped weapon.”
“Oh, I got it.”
With that, she hung up.
Probably she already had an idea, so I don’t need to worry anymore.
Leng Qiongling looked at me with a puzzled expression.
I just shrugged and explained, “I’m not a professional after all, so I have to leave it all to my friend.”
I stood up and stretched, then opened the door of the room.
“Want to go for a walk?”