Chapter 23: Once, I Was Also Full of Hope

Yezhe regretted it. The moment his hand reached out, he regretted it.

The thought of holding hands with a girl—he never would have dared to imagine it before, even if the other party was the one to suggest it.

Was it just a moment’s impulse, a desire to play the hero? Or was it some restless kindness stirring within him?

He didn’t know. He had even forgotten what he’d felt in that instant.

All he knew was that the girl before him was asking for his help—from someone who wasn’t even that familiar to her, someone who shouldn’t have been here at all.

Memories and reality tangled before his eyes. Even though the two girls looked worlds apart, even though Yezhe knew she couldn’t possibly be her…

Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I regret being powerless, but what can I do?

Can I forget? I can’t. Yezhe would never forget. If he really could, then he’d rather die.

Just now, the look in Yudong’s eyes as she looked at Yezhe was the same as the look she’d given him that night when their hands had intertwined, as if the two moments overlapped…

I can’t let down the expectations of others…

I must respond properly…

I can’t regret it.

Absolutely… I can’t let it happen again…

…

Late autumn, early winter, a little more than a month to go until Winter Break.

Maybe it was to ease the students’ pent-up stress—on that day, the School unusually gave everyone a Holiday for the evening self-study session.

Dormitory Students had free time, while Day Students went straight home.

“Oi, Zhe, how’d you do on the Final Exam?”

“Definitely not as good as you, Xiao Deng.”

The two of them had just left the exam room and were now joking around with their arms slung over each other’s shoulders.

Back in School, Yezhe’s social life couldn’t be called great, but it wasn’t bad either.

He got along with his classmates, but there was only one person he actually stuck with all day long.

“Yo yo yo, quit pretending. If you score lower than me, a girl should come up and chat you up, how about that?”

The taller boy said this with a smug grin, clearly aware of what kind of ‘overachiever’ Yezhe was.

The hallways were noisy and crowded, with students laughing as they packed up their bags, some making plans to relax with friends at the playground.

Even as the two boys messed around, they made sure to leave space for people to pass by. But then—

“Move.”

There wasn’t a shred of emotion in those three words…

At the sound, the two boys froze in their tracks.

It was Ziyi.

Unerringly, the girl named Ziyi needed to pass right between them.

“Uh, yeah.” x2

Exchanging glances, both boys quickly took their arms off each other’s shoulders and gave the cold-faced girl a path.

Immediately, a gust of wind blew through the gap between them.

“Come on, say it again.”

Not bothered by the awkward interruption, the two quickly glued themselves back together. Yezhe, having won their bet, looked at his companion with a mischievous grin.

“She, she… dammit! I give up, that one didn’t count! She greeted both of us!”

“This luck… today’s just not my day.”

“No need to take it personally, that’s just how she is, but she’s really not a bad person. Don’t badmouth her.”

“Is that so? You’re telling me someone who spends all day holed up in the Classroom without saying a word, without a single friend, is ‘fine’? Aside from her looks, I’ve heard people talk about her in class, about things she did before…”

“And don’t you remember what happened a few days ago? During night study, she started yelling like a lunatic.”

His annoyance was obvious. The tall boy glanced back, as if he’d seen a plague-bringer.

“Hey, hey, hey, she’s my Seatmate at least, so don’t talk about her like that. Maybe she just has social anxiety. Besides, she really is good-looking. And look at you—talked about dating since freshman year, but you still don’t have anyone. Better worry about your own future, huh…”

Yezhe also glanced back at the girl fading into the distance. The feeling from that night still lingered, making his cheeks flush a little.

Even though they’d sat together plenty of times, this Seatmate was someone he truly couldn’t figure out…

“Don’t overthink it. You did better than me this time, just admit it.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

The girl who’d walked briskly past them didn’t go far. She stopped at a corner nearby, having heard every word of their conversation loud and clear.

“Yezhe…”

“Yezhe Yezhe Yezhe Yezhe Yezhe Yezhe…”

She didn’t know how many times she had chanted his name in her heart.

Beyond the corner was the exit. Aside from the stairs, almost no one came here on purpose.

And even if someone did, they’d steer clear—after all, there was a ‘lunatic’ standing here… or at least, she looked the part.

And truthfully, that was the case. Right now, Ziyi was leaning against the wall, secretly watching the boys fooling around in the hallway.

She didn’t care about the strange looks from others, just venting her tangled, inexpressible emotions.

Purple Ginseng.

Her slender, pale fingers seemed to be fixing her hair, but in reality, the girl was tugging hard at a strand of long, glossy black hair.

She tried her best to keep her legs from trembling, but if you looked closely, you could still see hints of it…

But compared to all that, there was something even more eye-catching about the girl.

As her wrist moved up and down, her uniform sleeve slid back and forth along her arm.

Anyone looking closely would be frightened by the rows of fine, straight scabs crisscrossing her arm.

Why are there so many people? Can’t you all just die…

So annoying, so very annoying…

Luckily, Yezhe was in a public area right now. If, like that night, no one was around to interrupt her… she had no idea what she might do.

Ever since that day when she’d asked for more, she couldn’t help herself anymore.

Some things become an addiction after just a taste. This girl, after sampling Yezhe, had long since become ravenous.

Pressing him down, forcing him to accept everything of hers? Or tempting him to make the first move?

Or… making sure he could never leave her, turning him into a pet who would obey her every word…

Sultry, murky breaths spilled continuously from her throat.

The hand that had been tugging her hair slowly slid downward—she felt as if something was burning in her belly.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, as long as she could have him.

She didn’t care what kind of relationship it turned into… broken or obedient, equals or otherwise…

Yezhe… why are you so interesting?

I don’t get it, I really don’t.

Why are you so different from everyone else?

I want you… I want everything of you…

…

Life went on as usual, not missing a beat, but unlike yesterday, today Yezhe could finally relax a little.

“Wanna go home and play games?”

“We’ll see. I’m gonna nap first. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Alright, I’m off then.”

“Mm.”

At the Crossroad, the two boys—brothers in all but blood—went their separate ways.

But neither of them could have guessed that this would be the last leisurely time they’d spend together.

Today wasn’t supposed to be any different from yesterday.

After saying goodbye, Yezhe wound his way through the Old Street.

It wasn’t quite a village in the city, but it was far from the bustling avenues elsewhere.

Unlike the tall, modern towers, here were low-rise apartments built in a style more like the last century.

Apart from a few beverage shops and supermarkets catering to the locals, only the occasional New Energy Vehicle on the road gave the area a hint of the current era. Still, today was a bit different.

He saw a crowd gathered at the entrance to the Residential Compound, which gave Yezhe an uneasy feeling.

His steps quickened, and he pushed through the throng into the familiar place.

“Gas Explosion?”

“Heard it was bad. The Ambulance was carrying people out, scared the hell out of everyone.”

“I think there’s a kid in that family too. What’s going to happen now…”

“Yeah, I heard the kid was always well-behaved and good at school.”

“Fate’s Cruelty, huh.”

Yezhe overheard all this in the crowd. At first, he didn’t pay much attention—just felt sorry and sympathetic. In the prime of life, yet forced to endure such disaster.

What will they do from now on?

“That… seems to be their family, right? Third year of high school, too.”

“That boy, right? Sigh.”

Wait…

What are they saying?

Standing in the middle of the crowd, Yezhe’s sharp ears caught the whispers behind him.

Third year… boy?

Hearing those words, Yezhe panicked. He frantically looked around, as if searching for something.

No way, no way it could be…

No… no.

Still nothing.

The only person nearby who fit both descriptions—

Was Yezhe himself.

Me?

Impossible.

Just yesterday, they promised me that if I did better on this exam, I’d get a special meal as a reward.

How could it possibly be me?

It has to be someone else.

Don’t jinx yourself by taking on other people’s misfortunes…

Impossible… don’t even think about it!!!

Yezhe couldn’t calm himself at all anymore.

Forgetting about the people in front of him, all he wanted now was to escape, to go home, to finally sit down at the dinner table and eat his mother’s cooking, then get a good night’s sleep and play some games, ready for a new day.

Move… just move, all of you!

The wait was agony. Every minute and every second felt like an eternity in the crowd.

A moment ago, Yezhe had been trying to quietly make his way out. Now, he was like a wild beast—no matter who stood in front, he just charged ahead.

He shoved aside the last figure blocking his way, and the first thing he saw was a Fire Truck with red and blue lights flashing.

His foot landed—”splat”—and water covered the brick-paved road.

Looking up, the window he saw every night on his way home was now twisted and hideous, appearing before Yezhe’s eyes.

Fake.

Right?