Chapter 146: A troubled mind is difficult to heal

“Please don’t lie…”

“Of course you shouldn’t lie.”

Hongyi was so worried about him.

If he lied, it would be like driving a knife into her heart and twisting it—the cruelest betrayal.

But somehow, Gu Yebai inexplicably felt like he was sitting in an interrogation room.

She had a natural authority without being angry, her gaze calm as still water, as if saying, “Confess and get leniency; resist and get severity.”

“Hongyi.”

His voice was hoarse beyond recognition as he spoke first.

“Then promise me… no matter what I say next, you’ll be okay, alright?”

“Mm…”

Gao Hongyi’s body trembled slightly in his arms, like a piece of paper that would scatter with a gust of wind.

“No matter what, I’ll be strong…”

Her voice was very soft, yet carried a disturbing certainty, as if she had rehearsed every possible outcome countless times.

“Actually… maybe I’ve already had a vague feeling for a while.”

“It’s just that I wanted to hear it from your mouth, with my own ears.”

“Just to confirm.”

She looked so frail, her face pale as paper, with traces of tears still clinging to her eyelashes, like a kite that could snap its string at any moment.

And what he was about to say would be as cruel as tearing open a wound while it was still fresh.

But now, Gu Yebai didn’t want to hide it anymore.

Hiding and covering would only make her hurt more.

So he took a deep breath and laid everything out.

From fainting after a chloroform-soaked towel covered his nose and mouth in the hotel executive lounge, to waking up to find himself and Bai Xialin tied up; from Min Jun pressing a dagger against his neck, to Bai Xialin slowly climbing onto him, using an extremely gentle method—as a guide—to completely devour Gu Yebai’s first time; from the two of them embracing in the secret room under cold white LED lights, unable to leave each other, to the police breaking in while she still clung tightly to him, as if trying to weld Gu Yebai inside her body…

Gu Yebai did not sugarcoat anything, nor did he leave anything out.

He even repeated Bai Xialin’s final words, “Thank you for making me grow up,” exactly as they were.

And of course, Gu Yebai did not absolve himself entirely, pretending to be completely innocent.

He also said that at the time, he didn’t resist because Bai Xialin had said that if he died, she would choose suicide too, that Hongyi wouldn’t be able to take it, and that his parents would worry…

At the same time, Gu Yebai said that his heart was very torn right now, extremely torn, because he deeply loved the pitiful red-haired girl sitting on the hospital bed in front of him, and he also knew deeply that it was this very girl who had found him first in Linchuan County, becoming the first bright spot in his life.

So even if it meant death, he didn’t want to let her down.

But what about Bai Xialin?

The thought of just patting his butt and walking away as a heartless bastard, turning a blind eye to what had happened that night—even if it was forced—was also a damnable act of escape.

Money couldn’t make up for what happened either…

“I—”

Her arms suddenly tightened.

Not the kind of tightness that hurt.

But the kind… of tightness that came from a fear that if she let go, he would crumble into ashes—a tightness born of deep humility.

“Sorry, Hongyi. I let you down.”

After Gu Yebai finished the last word, the hospital room fell into a terrifying silence.

Only the sound of the monitor beeping—beep… beep…—like a heartbeat amplified infinitely.

He looked down at her.

Gao Hongyi slowly lifted her face.

Her eyes were bright and shining, as if holding water, but not a single tear fell.

She looked at him, the corners of her mouth lifting into the faintest, smallest smile.

That smile was more unsettling than crying.

“Bai Shu…”

Her voice was soft as cotton candy.

“You worked hard.”

“Telling me all this painful stuff.”

“Thank you… for not lying to me.”

Gu Yebai’s throat tightened, as if someone had grabbed his neck.

“Hongyi, I…”

“Shh.”

Gao Hongyi pressed her index finger against Gu Yebai’s lips.

The tip of her finger was ice-cold.

Boom!

In the rainy night, thunder and lightning mixed together.

It became the accompaniment of the moment.

“Don’t say sorry. You’ve suffered too. You’ve been good. You didn’t want this to happen…”

“Because you just said that if it weren’t for the kidnapping, if it weren’t for that crazy kidnapper forcing you to do that, you would never have touched Bai Xialin. I understand all that, I know it all…”

“So.”

“I really, truly don’t have any problem. Actually, from the moment you walked through the door, I already had a vague guess.”

“But as for how you actually feel about that kind of thing—whether you were indulging or suffering—of course, whatever choice you make, I accept it. Because I love you, and loving you means spoiling you, forgiving you, even if that forgiveness hurts me.”

“Later, when I learned that you were also a victim, that you even thought about refusing and getting killed by the kidnapper’s dagger rather than submitting, but in the end had no choice but to submit, my heart completely melted…”

“I love you. I love the Gu Yebai standing in front of me right now. If I really had to choose to die for love, I don’t know how I’d have the courage to keep living.”

“Just being able to touch you makes me happy.”

“The smell on you makes me dislike it very much, but you—I like you very much.”

Gao Hongyi took Gu Yebai’s hand and made him sit on the bed too.

At the same time, her delicate, boneless hands began to stroke Gu Yebai’s face again.

“You’d rather hurt yourself than let her hurt.”

“So… when she took the initiative, you didn’t push her away, right?”

“It’s okay.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Really, I don’t.”

“Because I know you’re most afraid of making me sad.”

“Do you still love me?”

“I love you, Hongyi.”

“That’s more than enough. Tonight, let’s bathe together and wash away her scent.”

“After the bath, I hope Bai Shu will hold me and sleep with me.”

“As for who Bai Shu chooses, that’s his own business. I won’t interfere, and I respect his choice…”

“But at least I don’t want to have nightmares.”

Gao Hongyi was forcing herself so much.

It was completely different from the scenario Gu Yebai had imagined before coming to the hospital.

There was no hysterical Gao Hongyi after smelling the scent.

She accepted it all calmly.

And that very calmness deeply pained Gu Yebai…

“Now let me hold you a little longer, okay?”

Her voice was as lingering as red silk threads, wrapping around him layer by layer.

Gu Yebai nodded, accepted Gao Hongyi’s embrace, and the two said nothing.

“I probably can’t be discharged today. Bai Shu, stay with me in the hospital tonight.”

“I don’t want you to disappear from my sight, even for half a second.”

Meanwhile, Gao Hongzhi was asking the doctor about her condition.

The doctor in front of him was from Tokyo, a very elite-looking man wearing gold-rimmed glasses.

“Actually, as psychologists, what we fear most is not people who are hysterical or completely silent.”

“It’s people who appear completely lucid.”

“They speak appropriately, have calm expressions, and can analyze themselves thoroughly using the most professional terminology.”

“Your daughter is fully aware that her actions stem from defense mechanisms. She also knows that some of her behaviors are entirely subconscious, related to the neglect she suffered in her early years because you and your wife were busy with work.”

“She knows exactly why she has become so obsessive toward that young man, and she understands the weight of this emotion.”

“But even knowing this, she doesn’t intend to change anything.”

“And that is where the horror lies.”

“She can predict our treatment plans and analyze the causes of psychological disorders, but this absolute lucidity is precisely the deepest slumber.”

“Your daughter will probably find it very difficult to wake up in her lifetime.”

“Or rather, the moment she does wake up may be the day of her eternal sleep…”

“If you can satisfy her innermost desires, perhaps that would be the most prudent choice.”

Gao Hongzhi’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

“So, to ensure her psychological health, my son must…”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Your daughter suffers from severe emotional dependency.”

“Even medication might be futile—in fact, it could have the opposite effect.”

The doctor pushed up his glasses, his voice dropping as if stating a foregone conclusion.

“What she needs is not a cure.”

“It is… complete, eternal, possession that belongs only to her. If there is any cure, it can only be the individual she is emotionally dependent on—that boy.”

In the hospital room.

Gao Hongyi suddenly stirred slightly.

She pulled Gu Yebai’s left hand to her chest and pressed it there.

Her heartbeat was steady, slow, yet carried a strange satisfaction.

“Bai Shu…”

Her voice was low, like a whisper.

“From now on, no matter what happens, never leave me again, okay?”

“Even if your body is stained with someone else’s scent.”

“Even if your heart holds someone else.”

“Please… never leave me.”

“Even after something like this, I won’t find you dirty. I love you… I really can’t leave you anymore…”

“Whatever Bai Xialin can do, I can do better.”

“I’ll use my own way to completely overwrite the traces she left behind…”

“I really regret it…”

“Why did I pursue a sense of ceremony? The moment I saw you for the first time, I should have gently possessed you…”

She spoke as if in a dream.