Chapter 116: A Solo Performance for Love

“But… I’m really afraid of losing him…”

Gao Hongyi’s voice was so low it almost shattered, carrying a hint of grievance and unwillingness.

“I didn’t do anything wrong at all…!”

She muttered to herself, as if convincing herself, or pronouncing a verdict to the air.

“In the past, he was so poor, so lonely, so in need of someone to love him… He was so pitiful, but he never realized how pitiful he was.”

Gao Hongyi slowly closed her eyes.

In her mind, the cold and dreary Linchuan County instantly appeared.

Gu Yebai curled up on the hard bed of a damp room, the phone screen reflecting his pale face from insomnia; he lowered his head to calculate his manuscript fees and hospital bills, his face full of confusion and helplessness; he stood in front of a tombstone, forcing a calm expression, but his eyes hid emptiness…

Those images cut like knives, one by one embedding into her softest heart.

Her nose suddenly stung.

It ached with swelling, ached with pain.

She instinctively raised her hand to press her nose bridge, her fingertips trembling slightly.

“Mom…”

Gao Hongyi opened her eyes, a little choked, yet also a little resolute.

“At least regarding Bai Shu’s matter, I insist on my own approach and will not change it.”

“He needs me, and I live for precisely that purpose.”

“Mom should also be on my side and persuade him more…”

She paused, her voice suddenly dropping, as if testing.

“Mom said before that she hopes for both cats and dogs, both sons and daughters… Doesn’t Mom fear? Fear that one day, a completely strange girl will take him away? And then… your daughter will die for love?”

Upon hearing this, Ya Xinyao couldn’t help but sigh.

On the phone, her husband Gao Hongzhi had said that they must treat these two children fairly.

They couldn’t neglect Gu Yebai’s feelings just because they had always spoiled Gao Hongyi since childhood.

Ever since Gao Hongzhi learned about Gu Yebai’s story, he had been taking this suddenly appeared son to heart.

If Gu Yebai and Gao Hongyi loved each other, that would naturally be the best outcome.

But if Gu Yebai felt suffocated by Gao Hongyi’s love, he also had every reason to refuse.

“Gu Yebai is a completely free and independent person, not a pet brought back from Linchuan County to raise for his daughter.”

These were the exact words Gao Hongzhi said to Ya Xinyao this morning.

That was why Ya Xinyao had to advise her daughter.

Moreover, Ya Xinyao was certain of one thing.

If Gao Hongyi trusted Gu Yebai more and was willing to slightly loosen her grip, then Gu Yebai would undoubtedly turn back and throw himself into Gao Hongyi’s arms.

That would be the wisest control, more reliable than chains and GPS.

“Xiao Yi, Mom supports you and Xiao Gu being together more than anyone,” Ya Xinyao’s voice was gentle but firm.

“You are both Mom’s precious children.”

“It’s just, putting yourself in his shoes…”

Gao Hongyi immediately interrupted, her voice urgent, as if afraid of being persuaded, or as if eager to prove herself.

“If he did the same to me, I would be very sweet and happy, that’s something I’d wish for, Mom!”

“If he told me to send him a selfie every thirty minutes, I would not only send one but make it beautiful! I would even send him a selfie every ten minutes!”

“No, not only that, I would wish to keep a video call open, so we could see each other anytime we have to be temporarily apart!”

As she spoke, her eyes lit up, as if depicting a perfect world belonging only to them.

Ya Xinyao looked at her daughter, a hint of complex pity flashing in her eyes.

“Xiao Yi…”

She gently held Gao Hongyi’s hand, her voice even softer.

“That’s because you love too heavily, heavily enough to give yourself entirely, but Xiao Gu is different.”

“He has shouldered things alone for too long, so long that he doesn’t even know how to ask for help.”

“If you turn love into a shackle, he will suffocate; if you give him a little space to breathe, he will want to return to you even more.”

Gao Hongyi fell silent.

But her fingers unconsciously tightened, as if afraid that everything would slip away if she let go.

Ya Xinyao didn’t push her further.

She just gently pressed her daughter’s head against her shoulder.

“Mom doesn’t ask you to change immediately.”

“Just… when he comes home, try to hug him first, okay?”

“Don’t ask where he went today, don’t check if he was late.”

“Just tell him you missed him.”

The living room fell quiet, with only the scent of jasmine tea slowly spreading in the air.

Gao Hongyi was silent.

She sat there quietly, her gaze falling on the old photo album on her lap, but it was as if she saw nothing.

An unprecedented feeling of disappointment slowly washed over her chest like cold tidewater.

‘So… Mom wouldn’t always stand firmly by her side on many things.’

‘How disappointing…’

‘Why couldn’t Mom become her ally?’

‘Why couldn’t they pressure Bai Shu together and keep him tightly by their side?’

‘Or at least… when she wasn’t with Bai Shu, could Mom become her eyes, watching him for her?’

‘Today, Bai Shu went to the coffee shop.’

‘Even if he really went with Dad, shouldn’t he have reported to her in advance? But he didn’t.’

‘He didn’t say anything.’

‘It wasn’t until she video-called him that she found out he went out without telling her…’

Gao Hongyi’s fingertips unconsciously dug into her palm, leaving shallow crescent marks.

She suddenly looked up, her voice hollow as if coming from far away, even carrying a terrifying calmness.

“Mom… Dad won’t become Bai Shu’s accomplice and stand against me, will he?”

At that moment, there was no longer the usual sweetness and softness in her eyes.

Only a deep darkness and emptiness remained.

Even the color of her pupils seemed to change, turning into a dangerous and perplexing red.

Ya Xinyao’s heart sank heavily.

“Xiao Yi…”

“Forget it, Mom…”

Gao Hongyi’s voice suddenly became light, as if it would scatter with the wind.

“Forget it.”

She repeated, and smiled.

She really wanted to play the piano.

Whenever Gao Hongyi felt lonely, she always did two things.

One was to repeatedly read Gu Yebai’s novels, like absorbing nutrients, over and over confirming that there was a place for her in his world.

The other was to play the piano.

From very, very early on, the piano had become her only friend who understood her.

When she closed her eyes and pressed the black and white keys with her fingertips, she could always see a graceful figure in a red wedding dress dancing among the notes.

When she was little, she thought it was a fairy that appeared when playing the piano.

Later, she understood.

That was no fairy at all.

It was another self born from extreme loneliness—a self always wearing a wedding dress, always waiting, always getting no response.

A self born in the darkness.

“I want to practice piano, Mom.”

Gao Hongyi put down the jasmine tea she had barely touched, stood up, and walked to the Bösendorfer upright piano in the corner of the living room.

She sat quietly on the piano bench.

No matter what, Gu Yebai would become Gao Hongyi’s private possession, untouchable by anyone.

With this thought in mind,

Her fingertips pressed onto the keys.

‘–Hey.’

‘–Do you, like me, also deeply love Bai Shu?’

‘–Can you give me the strength to love endlessly?’

The first note sounded.

Low, long, like a suppressed sigh.

Then the second, third,…

Now she just wanted to play with abandon.

In the piano world, she was the omnipotent queen.

Also the sole ruler.

The music grew faster, denser, as if accusing, as if begging.