Mahina’s gaze pierced through the slightly ajar window, staring at the halo of light inside that was so warm it stung. It was a warmth she once could reach out and touch, yet now it felt a world away. The night wind whipped the hem of her thin clothes, and she subconsciously hugged her arms tight.
“I initially thought Merlin didn’t reply to my letters simply because he had grown tired of me. I thought writing letters was just like Merlin’s love — as long as you gave, you would receive something in return…” The young girl lowered her eyes, her eyelashes casting lonely shadows on her pale cheeks. “But even though I wrote the letters and sent the money, Merlin never replied.”
Li replied flatly, “In reality, Merlin never received your letters, so he was actually very anxious at the time.”
Mahina’s voice took on a hint of a sob, her fingertips digging deep into her palms. “I know…”
“Do you understand why the letters weren’t received?”
Mahina buried her head even lower, curling her whole body up as if she could resist the invasion of memories that way. She only just remembered that because of the situation between her and the Talane family, combined with other events that day, it wasn’t announced immediately. In truth, only a few people close to Mahina knew about the Talan family’s initial provocation. Therefore, it was normal for someone like Li, who lived in the Poverty District, not to know.
Mahina took a deep breath, as if trying to exhale the stale blood that had accumulated in her chest for a long time. “It was the Talan family who adopted me back then… Sigh… Actually, looking back now, it was full of flaws. It’s obvious who the ultimate beneficiary of Merlin and I being separated was.”
She looked up, gazing vacantly at the starry sky as if a nightmare from the past was playing back there. “If I think about it carefully, even if I attached enough money, even if Merlin really came to the Capital, how could he not act together with everyone else? That day… I saw a Fake Merlin kissing a girl with purple hair. My heart truly broke; I didn’t have the luxury to consider whether it was real or fake.”
Li continued to offer her opinion from time to time. “If I saw John cheating, I would definitely go up and question him on the spot.”
Mahina sighed and gave a bitter smile. “That’s true… I have nothing to say to that. I was too weak. I just felt so much pain, but even in that pain, I persuaded myself that as long as Merlin was happy, it was fine… In the end, it was this weakness that hurt Merlin.”
Li gave a soft response, offering neither comfort nor blame. “Mm…”
“So, with the help of others and after many twists and turns, I finally left the Talane Estate.” The sadness in Mahina’s eyes grew deeper. “In any case… I really couldn’t continue living under the same roof with those who played tricks behind my back with a clear conscience. No matter how good they once were to me, once the dream broke, that tenderness was like sugar-coated poison. It only makes me feel nauseated.”
The fingers gripping her skirt turned white from the force. “Instead, I find it disgusting. How could they act as if nothing happened and get along with me after doing such filthy things… I can’t stand it.”
The crisp sound of clinking porcelain came from inside the house. Mahina let go of her skirt and let out a long breath, as if she had set down a 1,000-pound burden.
“Right now… I’m just Mahina, an ordinary peasant. Fortunately, thanks to Merlin, the Magic Department doesn’t require tuition. I have a scholarship and some savings of my own, so graduating smoothly shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t dare to ask for anything more; as long as I can be by Merlin’s side, it’s enough. It feels like… everything I own now is too heavy… It would be better to have nothing at all.”
Mahina fell silent for a moment before beginning to push the topic forward seriously. “I said it just now, right? I regret it, even though it was all a misunderstanding back then. Sigh… because I… truly…” Her voice began to choke up, and the rims of her eyes quickly reddened. “After the passing, Merlin occupied almost my entire life. I really like Merlin… No one will ever be that good to me again.”
Tears finally burst from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks.
“I would rather be a concubine; I would rather leave the Talane Estate. It doesn’t matter… it doesn’t matter. That’s really what I thought. I don’t want to be a Duke’s Daughter; I want to be by Merlin’s side.”
The way Mahina curled up in the Rocking Chair began to tremble violently. Her voice was intermittent and broken. “I want to go back and say sorry to Merlin. I want to tell him that it’s okay if I’m a concubine, and it’s okay if you all spend the money I earn. I will bring you all a better life, as long as I can be by Merlin’s side. The days without Merlin were truly dry and dull.”
The girl’s wail dissipated into the night wind, leaving only endless desolation. A moment later, she spoke again. “But… when I went back… Merlin was already gone… Everyone was gone. I secretly inquired many times, but there were no fights or disputes, and there hadn’t been any major events recently. I speculated that everyone must have left. I… don’t know what I should do next.”
Li looked gloomily at the sky, which had turned completely azure. The stars began to flicker, and her voice sounded exceptionally distant in the night. “Mm… Ophelia adopted Merlin shortly after, and with the help of Ophelia and Merlin, we all moved to the Peripheral District of the Capital to live.”
Mahina sighed, a trace of regret showing in her eyes. “In fact, before enrolling, I rarely lived in the Capital long-term. Coming here periodically was only to participate in necessary activities. My relationship with Merlin… I couldn’t entrust the people of the Talan family to investigate it either, because it would definitely reach the Head of the Family.”
The overflowing sadness was like a withered leaf falling onto the surface of the water, creating continuous ripples. “Even if they said it was fine, they didn’t want me to continue having any contact with Merlin after leaving the family, so I deliberately avoided letting word of Merlin’s affairs reach them. Yes… I noticed it then. Thinking back now, it was full of loopholes. I just didn’t want to wake up. I was a coward.”
Mahina stopped curling her body. She slowly spread her limbs on the Rocking Chair like a puppet with its strings cut, collapsing slumped into the soft back of the chair. Her head tilted slightly to one side as she quietly watched the glimmer of warm light coming from the window of the Little Log Cabin, her eyes blurred and unfocused. It was as if that wasn’t lamplight, but an answer she had spent her whole life pursuing, only to miss in the end.
“Mm… since there is no way back and Merlin has already left the place where we met, I can only keep emphasizing to myself that my choice was right.”
Mahina tilted her head back and let out a long sigh toward the dark night sky, her white breath vanishing in an instant in the cold night.