She was such a hearty eater that the Neighbor Delivery Sister next door clapped her hands and laughed, saying to Xu Huiqing, “That’s the right attitude! You just gave birth, your body’s weak—you need serious nourishment. Look at my daughter-in-law; she eats half a chicken every day, finishes every bite clean, and that’s why her milk supply is so abundant. If you don’t have milk, it means your body was depleted before!”
Because the hospital provided formula, family members accompanying the mothers could pick up thirty milliliters of milk at scheduled times every day. Mothers with sufficient milk naturally breastfed, but those without had their family members fetch formula for the babies.
By chance, the mother in the neighboring bed had plenty of milk. Her baby was just born and could barely finish any at each feeding; there was so much milk it soaked her clothes. If not expressed regularly, her breasts would harden, develop lumps, and become inflamed, causing unbearable pain.
So for these past few days, Zhao Daisun had been nursing from the mother next door, and she was happy to share.
Mother Zhao held the grandson in her arms daily to go get milk from the neighbor, all the while scolding the baby, “It’s all because your mother is useless. She eats like an old hen every day but doesn’t have any milk. What good is a mother like that?”
In the ward, patients were discharged every day and new ones admitted, with many, like Xu Huiqing, staying for several days.
Some didn’t know what Xu Huiqing had gone through, but those who did couldn’t help but say to Mother Zhao, “Isn’t it your earlier provocation that caused your daughter-in-law to hemorrhage badly? She lost so much blood, almost died. How could she not need to recover first? The milk a baby drinks is the essence of the mother’s blood. Your daughter-in-law lost so much blood before—where would the milk come from?”
The mother in the neighboring bed recovered well and was discharged after just three days. Afterward, her mother-in-law came to the hospital daily at fixed times to bring her chicken soup. Once Xu Huiqing finished eating, the Neighbor Delivery Sister would take back the empty pot.
Xu Huiqing still had no milk, so Zhao Daisun continued to nurse from other mothers.
Though so much time had passed since the birth, Xu Huiqing hadn’t even glanced at her son once. Her heart and eyes were full of Xiao Xi, and all she thought about was quickly restoring her health and bringing Xiao Xi home.
As for the newborn Zhao Be, even though he was just a baby who understood nothing, she found it difficult to feel any maternal love for him.
Every time Mother Zhao handed him over for breastfeeding, her mind was haunted by her daughter’s suicide and Zhao Be’s cold accusations—accusations with no hint of sorrow for his sister’s death, no blame for his father’s affair, only understanding and acceptance of his father’s betrayal.
“Your sister jumped because of you. If you hadn’t controlled everything, how would she have gone so far to study in Beijing? If she hadn’t gone so far, she wouldn’t have been manipulated. She jumped because of you!”
“Why didn’t she mention me or Dad in her suicide note? She only mentioned you—and it’s because of you! You controlled which university she could attend, which major she could study, even her boyfriends! You controlled too much, you know?”
“I’ve never heard of a mother forbidding her daughter from marrying far away or insisting she stay in Jiangzhehu. Why didn’t you just tie her to yourself with a rope? You’re the one who drove her to death, you know?”
You’re the one who drove her to death!
You’re the one who drove her to death! Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
For a time, her son’s words echoed in her mind like a 360-degree looping curse, like the language of a demon devouring her from within, causing her to endlessly doubt herself: Was it really her fault? Did her overbearing interference drive her daughter to jump?
Yes, it was her!
She had failed to protect her daughter, who had been sold away as a child and suffered so much.
She had been terrified her daughter would be abducted again, wanting to keep her under her watch 24/7, afraid a single moment of inattention would make her disappear.
She had always thought her daughter shouldn’t stray too far, wanting her to attend university in Jiangzhehu so she could settle nearby, be protected closely, and not marry too far away to be bullied without her knowing—unable to stand up for her or protect her.
It was her!
It was her!
It was all her!
The whole world seemed to transform into countless sharp knives slashing at her—slashing her soul, her flesh and blood, cutting her into pieces, shattered and broken.
She couldn’t close her eyes—closing them was pain, opening them was pain.
Pain soaked her forehead with sweat, tears streaming endlessly.
Pain curled her body, yet brought no relief.
“Hey, daughter, what’s wrong with you?”
Once again, someone in the ward noticed Xu Huiqing’s abnormality and hurried to call a doctor.
Seeing her daughter-in-law relapse, Mother Zhao quickly carried Zhao Daisun away, afraid Xu Huiqing might harm her grandson.
Another chaotic emergency ensued, but Xu Huiqing was like trapped in a nightmare, unable to regain full consciousness. The curse kept echoing in her mind, and before her eyes was a blood-red blur.
A young nurse rushed out from the emergency room, asking, “Xiao Xi! Who’s Xiao Xi? The patient kept calling ‘Xiao Xi’ while unconscious!”
An elderly patient in the ward overheard and hurried to explain, “I know! Xiao Xi is her eldest daughter! Apparently, her in-laws gave the eldest daughter away so she could have a grandson!”
New mothers and family members, unaware of the Zhao family’s troubles, were briefed by the ones who had been there, and now all knew what the Zhao family had done.
Xu Huiqing’s body and soul seemed separated. Though her body suffered immense pain, her mind realized she needed to wake up—she had to protect her body so she could have the strength to bring her child home. Only with a healthy body could she protect herself and her child.
At some unknown moment, her soul seemed to reunite with her body. She desperately wanted to control her body and emotions. Thanks to her and the doctors’ joint efforts, her symptoms eased again, and she was “saved” back.
Xu Huiqing was originally supposed to stay in the hospital about ten days before discharge, but because of this episode, the doctors refused to release her, keeping her for extra days to allow for immediate treatment if needed.
Her illness was called postpartum epilepsy, though it didn’t quite fit the description. It was treated as epilepsy for now, with careful observation to ensure no unknown condition was missed.
Because of this relapse, her hospital stay extended from ten days to half a month. During this time, she ate nearly half a month’s worth of old hen soup, and her previously pale face regained much color.
For these two weeks, Xu Huiqing still had no milk and didn’t even want to hold her newborn. Whenever Mother Zhao brought him over to nurse, Xu Huiqing always found excuses: “I’m still on medication. Don’t pass the drugs through the milk to the baby.”
Mother Zhao agreed this was reasonable, especially with so many mothers in the ward to share milk. But she was displeased with Xu Huiqing’s continued lack of milk.
Seeing the chicken soup and confinement meals the Neighbor Delivery Sister brought, she muttered, “No milk at all—what’s the point of eating chicken every day? When I was young, we barely had food, but my milk dripped endlessly…”
Without realizing it, she spoke loudly about her own pregnancy days, always comparing how poorly she ate but had abundant milk, trying to highlight Xu Huiqing’s uselessness.
Xu Huiqing focused on recuperating and ignored her.
Zhao Zongbao was having a blast in the neighboring city.
He had been there before but never stayed more than two or three nights. This time, he was hooked for half a month, lost in the city’s bright lights and nightlife—the clubs and skating rinks had him captivated, completely forgetting about the hospital, his newborn son, and the wife who had just given birth to him.
Yet, he had to maintain his good-husband image, so he came to the hospital every two days—just when he was tired from playing and needed a rest, he’d come to the ward, lie down on the jaundice sunbench in the corridor, and fall fast asleep.
When the daughter-in-law from next door was discharged, the Neighbor Delivery Sister came to bring confinement meals to Xu Huiqing. Mother Zhao spotted the old hen soup and tried to snatch it away to give to Zhao Zongbao, but the Neighbor Delivery Sister wasn’t about to let a scrawny woman like Mother Zhao take it from her—she was a tall, strong worker from the Songjiang Textile Factory.
Failing to snatch the soup from her, Mother Zhao turned to Xu Huiqing’s table to grab some, all while coaxing, “Huiqing, you’ve been eating old hen soup for days now, and you’re almost recovered. Zongbao runs around all day; he’s exhausted. You should eat less and give him some for nourishment.” She pitied Zhao Zongbao’s worn face from late nights dancing at the club: “Look at him—he’s lost a whole size just taking care of you these days.”
Xu Huiqing, once obedient and virtuous, refused to listen this time. She clutched her bowl tightly and looked up in disbelief at Mother Zhao, raising her voice: “You want to give my confinement meals to your son?”
Mother Zhao had been speaking quietly, but Xu Huiqing’s outburst drew every eye in the ward to them, staring at Mother Zhao and Zhao Zongbao.
Zhao Zongbao was fast asleep, completely unresponsive.
Mother Zhao, afraid of waking her precious son, hurriedly said, “Why are you so greedy? What good does it do to eat so much chicken? You still have no milk after all these days eating chicken. What harm is there in giving some to your husband? He’s busy outside all day and still comes to the hospital to care for you. Don’t you have any sympathy for him?”
After more than ten days of rest, Xu Huiqing had regained much strength and no longer looked as weak as right after delivery. Yet she still feigned frailty and widened her eyes in surprise at Mother Zhao, “Zongbao cared for me? He hasn’t come to the hospital these days—how did he care for me?”
Mother Zhao was flustered and pointed at Zhao Zongbao, snoring on the jaundice sunbench in the corridor, “Zongbao hasn’t come to the hospital? He’s right there!”
Xu Huiqing’s gaze turned faint as she looked toward Zhao Zongbao lying there, pretending not to know anything, and said with a sudden realization, “Oh~ so Zongbao has been caring for me in his dreams!”
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