His mind went blank for a moment. Smell his neck? This was even more… even more over the line than the wall-slam from before!
“No… not this!” I recoiled violently, my back pressing tightly against the wall as if that could provide some pathetic shred of security. The fur on my tail puffed out completely, and my voice carried a distinct sob. “This is too… too weird! Sister Beina, really, I can’t!”
Looking at my over-the-top reaction, Ling Beina didn’t show any displeasure. Instead, as if she had expected this, she let out a soft sigh. She didn’t press closer immediately. Instead, she set the tablet aside, folded her hands over her knees, and looked at me with an expression full of helplessness and tolerance.
“Little Guiyun,” her voice remained gentle, as if she were soothing a frightened animal, “I know this is a bit hard for you to accept. But look, this is essentially the same as the ‘wall-slam’ from before. They are both ways of expressing intimacy and a sense of control. It’s just that the form… is a bit more personal. It focuses more on the blending of breaths rather than spatial pressure.”
She was trying to use rational analysis to dismantle my psychological defenses, “normalizing” this shameful act.
“I… I know, but…” I shook my head frantically, my ears pinned flat against my hair, and my claws unconsciously tugged at the hem of my skirt. “This is really too much…”
“I understand your shyness.” She nodded in agreement, but her tone shifted immediately, carrying a faint, imperceptible weight. “But, Little Guiyun, do you remember our agreement from just now? You said you would ‘try.'”
The word “agreement” felt like invisible shackles, binding me instantly. I remembered the promise I had made earlier under the weight of guilt and pressure, and my throat felt as if it were blocked.
Observing my expression, she continued in a persuasive tone, “And think about it. This house, these six months… I’ve never pressured you, right? I know things are hard for you, so I wanted to help you out in a way that benefits us both. This isn’t just for my book; it’s so you can live here in peace and continue pursuing your dream.”
She brought up the rent again, reminding me of her kindness. There was no harshness, no moral kidnapping—just a calm statement of facts. Yet, it was this very “calmness” that made the guilt in my heart grow like wild vines, tangling around me until I couldn’t breathe. She had provided me shelter when I was at my lowest, and I was being so hesitant over such a “small” favor…
I bit my lower lip hard, a war raging inside me. My reason and my sense of shame were screaming in refusal, but that heavy sense of debt, combined with the fear of losing my stable home, was slowly eating away at my will.
But that wasn’t the most fatal part…
She followed up softly, leaning forward slightly as her deep eyes locked onto mine. “Little Guiyun, do you… dislike me a bit?”
Those unexpected words instantly stirred a storm in my heart.
“No! Absolutely not!” the words blurted out, my voice rising in urgency. How could I dislike her? She was the best landlady I had ever met. She took me in when I was struggling and never gave me a hard time… I was more than grateful to her!
“Then why…” The disappointment in her eyes became more obvious. She even knit her brows slightly, her shoulders slumping a little. She actually looked somewhat fragile. “Is it that I make you uncomfortable? Or do you think… my request is too much, too… shameless?”
The more she lowered her posture, placing herself in the position of someone being disliked or loathed, the more the guilt in my heart flourished, tightening its grip on my heart and making it hard to breathe. The immense moral pressure made me squirm.
Looking at her aggrieved and slightly self-deprecating gaze, and then thinking back on her silent tolerance and help over the past six months, my reasons for refusing based on shame seemed so selfish and ungrateful.
How could I treat her like this? She just needed inspiration for her work. A person I owed so much to had made a request that wasn’t even that excessive, yet I was refusing her again and again…
My head was a mess. Shame, guilt, and a trace of heartache for her fragile expression clashed violently. Finally, the heavy weights of “debt” and “morality” completely crushed my crumbling defenses.
‘Fine… let it be…’
A deep sense of powerlessness and self-abandonment flooded over me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, as if using every ounce of strength I had just to squeeze a few broken syllables from my throat.
“…Fine… I… I promise you.”
My voice was so soft it was almost inaudible, yet it took everything I had.
‘Whatever, Sister Beina is such a kind person, she definitely won’t do anything too excessive!’
‘Besides, if even a girl is being this open, it’d be a bit embarrassing if a manly man like me couldn’t handle it!’
Having received permission, Ling Beina didn’t lean in immediately. Instead, she took her time adjusting her sitting position, as if she were admiring my current state of tension and helplessness.
Finally, she moved.
She didn’t use the slightly forceful posture from the wall-slam. Instead, she leaned in very slowly.
The distance closed bit by bit. I was so nervous, so nervous…
The first thing I felt was the faint scent coming from her. As she drew closer, it became clearer, winding around me in threads. Then came the faint current of air from her breathing, brushing against the exposed skin on the side of my neck, bringing a slight, trembling itch.
My body was as stiff as a board. My tail wrapped tightly around my calves, and my nails dug deep into my palms. It felt as if all my senses were concentrated on that small patch of skin on my neck about to be visited. The hair there stood up uncontrollably.
She was very close now, so close that I could even feel the warmth radiating from her body. It was like an invisible heater, baking my strained nerves. A few strands of her hair fell, brushing past my collarbone with a touch as light as a feather, yet it stirred a tidal wave in my heart.
Then, I felt a cool, soft sensation press extremely gently against the skin on the side of my neck.
It was the tip of her nose.
It was just a light touch, without force, not even moving. But the stimulation from that instant of contact was like a weak electric current, suddenly snapping out from the point of contact and traveling all the way down my spine. I couldn’t control a slight shiver, and an irrepressible whimper escaped my throat.
She seemed to be sensing something, staying still for one or two seconds. Though it wasn’t long, every moment was filled with a heart-stopping ambiguity.
My mind was a total blank. All that remained was the cool, soft touch on my neck and the strange, alternating sensation of ice and fire as her warm breath brushed over that same patch of skin.
She didn’t do anything more excessive. She didn’t actually sniff forcefully, nor was there further contact. She just stayed like that, the tip of her nose pressed lightly against me.
However, this extreme restraint and the “now-here, now-gone” sensation were more unnerving than any intense movement. It was full of suggestion, full of unspoken meaning, like a pebble dropped into a calm lake, the ripples refusing to dissipate for a long time.
I froze in place, my breathing growing a bit ragged. I was completely exposed to her perception, left at her mercy. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my throat, my cheeks were burning intensely, and the strength in my body was turning soft.
‘Ugh, it’s only been a short moment, so why does it feel so long!’
Just as I was about to faint from a lack of oxygen and excessive shame, the cool sensation left.
She slowly straightened her body, pulling away.
Like a prisoner suddenly granted freedom, I let out a sharp gasp for air. My legs were so weak I could barely stand, and I instinctively reached out to support myself against the nearby wall. The spot on my neck that had been marked felt as if the cool, soft touch and the warmth of her breath still lingered, burning hot.
Seeing my disheveled state as I gasped for breath, the curve of Ling Beina’s lips became even more pronounced. Her gaze was deep, as if she had just finished savoring something delicious.
“Mm…” she hummed an echoing, meaningful sound, as if she were reflecting on it. “A very special feeling.”
Her words were like the final key, completely throwing open the floodgates of shame in my heart.
I couldn’t stay there another second. I fled back to my original spot like a runaway.
“I—I’m going to draw now!”