As a friend, Song Yi naturally felt sorry for Jing Sicun.
Today, outside the CCU, Song Yi overheard family members of other patients say:
In the early morning, a frail, emaciated old man had just passed away.
He was the third patient to die in the intensive care unit this week.
Frequent trips to the hospital’s intensive care unit in recent days deeply affected Song Yi.
All of this had to be kept from He Zhi.
It wasn’t convenient to bring it up at home, so Song Yi could only share a few sighs with Ke Ni, who was in the know.
After venting, Song Yi asked Ke Ni, “Are you still going to eat this instant noodles?”
Ke Ni shook her head.
She simply couldn’t eat it.
Song Yi said, “Then I’ll eat it. I’m a little hungry.”
Ke Ni knew that Song Yi had a twin sister who had died before birth; perhaps that was why Song Yi was especially sensitive to issues of life and death.
Song Yi twirled the noodles with his chopsticks.
“Whenever I walk by the CCU, I feel my neck tighten, like an invisible hand is choking me. I couldn’t eat anything while staying with Jing Sicun at the hospital at noon.”
Ke Ni took out a sausage.
“This was sent by Jing Sicun’s neighbor. Want to try some?”
Song Yi said, “Oh, Aunt Li, right? Her sausages are good. Give me one.”
Though Song Yi said the sausage was tasty, he only ate half of it.
Afraid that He Zhi would get suspicious, he finished eating and then drove Jing Sicun’s SUV back home.
Ke Ni sat alone in the grocery store for a long time.
Her family situation was complicated, but no one had ever been sick like this before.
She had never even heard of the CCU until now.
Previously, Ke Ni had looked at a photo of Jing Sicun and said she envied his life.
At the time, Song Yi said, “Huh? Are you crazy?”
Ke Ni hadn’t realized then that the question Song Yi blurted out carried such a heavy burden.
The first to fall ill was Jing Sicun’s grandfather.
He had been treated at a top hospital in China and barely saved, but after years bedridden and paralyzed, he eventually passed away.
Then Jing Sicun’s grandmother was suddenly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Finally, it was Jing Sicun’s father.
Ke Ni learned from Song Yi:
Jing Sicun had received strong recommendations from professors at prestigious foreign universities, but after his father developed uremia, he had to go to the hospital for dialysis every other day.
The only people left with the ability to work were Jing Sicun and Jing Sicun’s mother.
Jing Sicun couldn’t just walk away.
The chandelier above the checkout counter illuminated the goldfish bowl.
The water in the tank was crystal clear, the aquatic plants lush and green, and the goldfish swam slowly inside.
Jing Sicun’s family was like that goldfish bowl.
A bound goldfish bowl.
The world was vast, with high skies and wide rivers and seas—all wonderful—but after all, they were not home for a goldfish.
Ke Ni felt an indescribable pain in her palm, traveling along her meridians to her heart.
Sharp, sour, and tingling.
She thought she had been bitten by an insect.
Her open palm was clean, without a single shadow of a bug.
Ke Ni returned to her rented apartment with Tuesday, settling the dog’s bed beside the sofa in the living room.
She ate bread while Tuesday nibbled on dog treats.
Only then did Ke Ni check her phone and notice a verification message:
“I am Jing Sicun.”
Ke Ni’s breath caught.
Unconsciously biting her lower lip, she quickly accepted the friend request.
Jing Sicun’s profile picture was blank.
The blank avatar asked Ke Ni, “How’s Tuesday?”
Ke Ni looked at Tuesday.
After finishing the dog treats, Tuesday finally sensed a change in its life and lay uneasily in its bed, looking around anxiously.
Ke Ni answered honestly that Tuesday was not adapting well to the new environment and seemed a bit down.
The phone was silent for a few seconds.
Then the blank avatar suddenly sent a video call invitation.
Ke Ni answered.
Jing Sicun appeared on her screen, sitting in the fire escape.
His eyes were bloodshot but he remained calm and collected.
It was as if he had just stayed up all night gaming with Dai Fanze and the others, making him look a bit tired.
Neither of them spoke at first.
Ke Ni stared at the screen with a mix of complicated emotions.
When Jing Sicun finally asked, “Am I bothering you?” she suddenly realized:
Of course, Jing Sicun called to see Tuesday.
Ke Ni smiled with effort and raised the phone to show Tuesday.
“Who’s here to see you?”
Jing Sicun said, “Tuesday.”
The normally obedient Tuesday seemed wound up, excitedly wagging its tail and barking.
Jing Sicun’s voice was hoarse but gentle.
He spoke to Tuesday like a child, “Tuesday, once I’m done here, I’ll come get you. Be good at someone else’s house and don’t cause trouble.”
Tuesday was surprisingly smart.
It even nodded.
Ke Ni felt a bittersweet pang in her heart.
Song Yi said that Jing Sicun had been standing outside the intensive care unit almost twenty-four hours a day these days.
He probably hadn’t slept much, right?
At a time like this, did Jing Sicun really have to keep everything and everyone in mind?
Worrying about family;
Caring for friends;
Thinking about his pet…
Did this man think he was some kind of omnipotent savior?
Jing Sicun said a few words to Tuesday, who happily licked the camera frantically.
Jing Sicun coughed, and with a hoarse laugh said, “Ke Ni, switch the camera. I’m not that interested in Tuesday’s drool and tongue.”
Ke Ni said “Oh” and switched the camera back to the front-facing one.
The screen changed from Tuesday’s black nose and pink tongue to Ke Ni’s face.
Jing Sicun tilted his head back and drank two gulps of mineral water.
“No one at home can take care of Tuesday for now. Sorry for the trouble these days. If he misbehaves, scold him, don’t be soft.”
Ke Ni shook her head.
“He’s very well-behaved.”
Jing Sicun scrutinized Ke Ni’s expression.
“What’s with that face? Did Song Yi say something?”
Ke Ni quickly changed her expression.
“No, what face?”
Jing Sicun curled his index and middle fingers downward at the corners of his mouth, mimicking Ke Ni.
After imitating her, he chuckled softly, “Like a bitter melon.”
Ke Ni weakly fired back, “You look more like a bitter melon!”
Jing Sicun stopped smiling.
“Ke Ni, thank you for helping take care of Tuesday and for understanding He Zhi’s feelings.”
Ke Ni was the best at playing obedient and polite in front of elders and strangers.
But it didn’t work now.
She opened her mouth but only managed to ask, “Jing Sicun, are you okay?”
Jing Sicun said, “Not really good, not really bad. So far, I’m holding on.”
Ke Ni fell silent, feeling guilty.
Yeah.
How could he really answer such a question?
Jing Sicun even had the mood to joke, “At least there are still people who can’t stand me but still care.”
Ke Ni blinked.
“I’m concerned about Uncle’s health.”
Jing Sicun glanced at his phone, seemingly his attending doctor was calling. He said, “Talk later.”
Ke Ni said, “Wish your uncle a speedy recovery.”
Jing Sicun smiled. “Thanks for the kind words.”
One week after this video call, on the tenth day of Jing Sicun’s father’s stay in the CCU, Ke Ni suddenly received a call from Song Yi.
She was terrified and held her breath before answering.
It was good news—
Song Yi excitedly shouted on the phone that Jing Sicun’s father had been discharged.
Ke Ni was painting at the time.
She put down the stylus and scooped up Tuesday, who was napping on her lap.
“That’s great!”
He Zhi’s voice came from the phone, “Jing Uncle was hospitalized? When did this happen?”
Ke Ni’s phone battery was almost dead, so she ran to the bedroom with Tuesday.
Tuesday didn’t understand why Ke Ni was suddenly so happy and stopped halfway, tilting its head to look curiously at the spilled dog food on the floor.
Ke Ni hopped on one leg to pour the dog food back into the slipper.
“Sorry, Tuesday, I’ll clean it up later!”
On the phone, Song Yi was apologizing profusely to He Zhi while discussing visiting Jing Sicun’s home with Ke Ni.
Today was definitely not convenient.
Jing Sicun’s elders needed their afternoon nap, and after discussing, they decided to set the visit for 9 a.m. the next day at Jing Sicun’s home.
Song Yi said, “I told Jing Sicun you can just come directly. See you tomorrow at nine, no excuses!”
The next morning, Ke Ni arrived downstairs at Jing Sicun’s building carrying a fruit basket heavier than a mountain.
She waited more than ten minutes but saw no sign of Song Yi or He Zhi.
Ke Ni called them and got a string of surprised apologies—they had overslept.
Ke Ni: “Weren’t we supposed to meet no matter what?”
Song Yi shouted on the phone, “Ke Ni, just go upstairs first. He Zhi and I are washing up and will leave soon. He Zhi, those are my shorts! Where did you throw them?!”
Visiting together was fine.
But if it were only Ke Ni…
Ke Ni felt uneasy and took several deep breaths in front of Jing Sicun’s door before knocking.
Jing Sicun opened the door.
He had lost weight.
He hadn’t shaved and carried the damp, fresh scent of plants from his just-finished shower.
Ke Ni’s heart inexplicably tightened.
She didn’t want to show her worry, so without looking away, she handed the fruit basket to Jing Sicun.
“I heard Uncle was discharged. We agreed to come visit him.”
Jing Sicun took the basket.
“Carrying a shot put?”
Ke Ni glared at him.
Jing Sicun chuckled softly.
“Where are Song Yi and He Zhi?”
Ke Ni whispered, “They woke up late…”
Jing Sicun’s mother came out of the bedroom.
“Ke Ni, thank you for your trouble. Come in, your uncle is in the bedroom.”
Jing Sicun’s father had indeed passed the life-threatening stage, but Ke Ni could never have imagined his current condition.
Jing Sicun’s mother forced a smile, “Old Jing, look who’s here to see you. Do you remember?”
Jing Sicun’s father lay in bed staring intently at Ke Ni, his cheeks twitching. “Xiaoyuan.”
Ke Ni’s smile froze for a moment.
Jing Sicun’s mother forced herself to smile, “Then who am I?”
Jing Sicun’s father looked for a while.
“You’re the neighbor.”
Ke Ni turned to Jing Sicun in disbelief.
Jing Sicun’s electric razor traced the stubble on his jaw; his expression unreadable.
“Old Jing, who am I?”
Jing Sicun’s father said, “The driving school instructor.”
This was nothing like the “out of danger” scenario Ke Ni had imagined.
She was completely stunned.
From Jing Sicun’s grandmother’s bedroom came the old lady’s question, “Who are you?”
Jing Sicun’s father suddenly pointed at the ceiling and said there was someone in the old-fashioned light fixture smiling at him.
Jing Sicun’s mother explained with red eyes, “Ke Ni, don’t be scared. Your uncle has been like this since discharge—he doesn’t recognize people and often talks nonsense.”
Not long ago, Jing Sicun’s father had gently advised Ke Ni about “laying low” and “accumulating strength.”
In just a month, he had become another elder in Jing Sicun’s family who didn’t recognize anyone.
Ke Ni finally understood what Song Yi meant.
It really was like an invisible hand choking your neck—so suffocating, the throat dry and tight.
Ke Ni’s eyes burned; she didn’t know how to react.
Jing Sicun led Ke Ni out of the bedroom.
“If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t look.”
Ke Ni turned sharply, staring at Jing Sicun.
And you?
How do you ease that discomfort?
Ke Ni never asked those two questions aloud.
***
Song Yi and He Zhi hurried over.
He Zhi bought KFC burger sets for everyone. He was thoughtful enough to bring something for Yu Ayi, who was taking care of Jing Sicun’s grandmother.
When Song Yi and He Zhi arrived, Jing Sicun’s mother was helping his father change clothes, with Jing Sicun assisting inside.
The bedroom door was tightly shut; Song Yi and He Zhi still didn’t know what Jing Sicun’s father’s condition was like after discharge.
Like Ke Ni, they thought the danger was past.
Like Ke Ni, they thought today was a day to celebrate survival.
Song Yi had even bought fresh flowers and a small hand-twisted confetti popper, studying how to open it.
He Zhi complained, “Ke Ni, why were you hiding this from me too?”
Ke Ni’s throat still felt tight. “Everyone was worried it would affect your mindset for the competition.”
He Zhi said, “I’m not that fragile!”
The bedroom door was pushed open from the inside.
Song Yi and He Zhi, who were no strangers to Jing Sicun’s home, immediately rushed forward. “Uncle Jing, we’re here to see you.”
Ke Ni stayed in the living room.
To the left came the voices of Yu Ayi and Jing Sicun’s grandmother:
“Is the burger tasty?” “What’s a burger?”
To the right came the terrified screams of Jing Sicun’s father:
“There’s someone in the light! Someone there!”
He Zhi, unable to accept it, rushed out of the bedroom and crouched beside the coffee table, tears streaming.
Song Yi also came out, “How could Uncle Jing…”
At that moment, Jing Sicun, the very person involved, was the calmest.
“There was no way to properly dialyze in the CCU. It developed into uremic encephalopathy. Agitation and hallucinations are symptoms of the disease. He’s completely a different person now—he even tried to bite me yesterday.”
Song Yi said, “So you hit Uncle Jing?”
Jing Sicun sighed, “Are you stupid?”
Song Yi said, “But Uncle Jing’s arm…”
Jing Sicun explained that his father had tried to pull out his tubes and IV needles in the CCU.
To prevent self-injury, medical staff had to restrain him.
He spoke to Song Yi about treatment plans while comforting He Zhi.
Ke Ni looked at Jing Sicun’s profile, then glanced toward the bedroom:
On his only movable arm, Jing Sicun’s father had purple bruises from the restraints and was waving it about.
Ignoring Jing Sicun’s mother’s attempts to stop him, he shouted at the imaginary figures in the light fixture.
He Zhi was still crying.
Jing Sicun walked over and rubbed He Zhi’s head.
“Bought stuff and didn’t share with anyone? And you’re crying?”
He Zhi sniffled and shared the burger with everyone.
Ke Ni was handed a burger by tearful He Zhi.
She made an excuse to leave the sofa and went to the window by the fridge to wipe her tears.
Behind her came Jing Sicun’s voice, “Crying again?”
Ke Ni didn’t turn around.
The burger in her hand was snatched away by Jing Sicun and replaced with one wrapped differently.
She rubbed her eyes and looked up.
Jing Sicun said, “Not fried chicken. Beef.”
Ke Ni had never told anyone about her dislike of fried chicken and cola—just like she had never shared her shameful secrets with anyone.
She wiped her tears.
“How did you know I don’t eat fried chicken?”
Jing Sicun’s gaze softened as he handed her a tissue.
“Don’t cry, I just told you.”
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