When Xu Huiqing received the news that her daughter had jumped off a building, she was completely stunned.
She couldn’t believe that her daughter, who had always been excellent in both character and academics, obedient and sensible since childhood, would lose her life over a relationship.
The media claimed she took her own life because she lacked love and had fallen victim to psychological manipulation.
But her daughter’s suicide note had only one sentence: “Mom, if you don’t love me, could you not have given birth to me?”
How could she not love her?
She was her first child.
Most of her love had been poured into her, most of her energy and effort spent on her and her younger brother.
How could she not love her?
But all the media, newspapers, and experts were analyzing that her daughter was so easily manipulated by a scumbag because she was too lacking in love, that her heart was too empty, so when someone whispered sweet nothings, she chased after it like a moth to a flame, thinking a man could fill her emptiness.
Below, they continued to analyze things like, “A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, an unhappy one takes a lifetime to heal.”
Xu Huiqing felt as if the heavens were crashing down.
She thought of how, when she was pregnant with her second child, her in-laws sent her daughter away without her knowledge, and it took her years to find her daughter again.
She thought her daughter was too young to remember, and she never brought up that past, believing that if she never mentioned it, her daughter wouldn’t know or remember.
She always kept her daughter close.
Her son, upon seeing his sister’s note, blamed it all on her!
Otherwise, why would the note mention no one but her, with just that one line left behind?
“Lies”
Wasn’t it all because of her?
Her husband, in middle age, found a new love and wanted a divorce, using their daughter’s suicide as the perfect excuse.
Everyone blamed her, saying she hadn’t done well enough as a mother, that’s why her daughter jumped.
She was too strict with her son, controlled him too much, so he distanced himself from her.
She failed to keep up with the times, fell behind, so her husband cheated.
It was all her fault!
Xu Huiqing felt the world spinning, and when she awoke again, she was on a delivery bed.
Her daughter had only been sent to her sister-in-law’s house in the countryside less than half a month ago, and her son had just been born.
She thought it was a dream, but even if it was, she went mad, throwing off her quilt to go look for her daughter, scaring Xu Mother, who quickly pressed her back down on the bed: “You just gave birth, you can’t go out and catch a chill!”
Xu Huiqing grabbed Zhao Mother’s arm: “Mom, where’s Xiaoxi? Where did Xiaoxi go? Bring Xiaoxi to me, hurry, bring Xiaoxi to me!”
She sobbed so hard she couldn’t speak, making Zhao Mother panic.
Could her daughter-in-law have found out they’d sent Xiaoxi to another family?
She wondered which loose-tongued person had let it slip in front of her daughter-in-law.
But she couldn’t tell the truth now, so she coaxed her instead: “Xiaoxi is fine at home, Dai Di is looking after her. You just rest and recover, when the baby’s a bit older, Xiaoxi will come back!”
Xu Huiqing’s nails dug into Zhao Mother’s flesh as she rasped, “Where’s Xiaoxi? I want to see Xiaoxi! Mom, bring Xiaoxi back to me!”
Zhao Mother, pained by her grip, snapped, “You make it sound like I sold Xiaoxi. Who would want a girl anyway? Just lie down and take care of my grandson. Once your confinement is over, you’ll see Xiaoxi.”
“I want Xiaoxi right now, Mom, where is she? Can you bring her to me? I can’t live without her, please go get Xiaoxi for me, will you?” Xu Huiqing, still reeling from her daughter’s suicide, was muddled, unable to distinguish dream from reality.
Xu Mother, seeing her like this, felt heartbroken and quickly persuaded Zhao Mother: “If Huiqing wants to see Xiaoxi, just let her. She’s her own flesh and blood, of course she’s worried.” Then she comforted Xu Huiqing, “You mustn’t cry during confinement, or you’ll cry yourself blind.”
Since it was her in-law speaking, Zhao Mother, holding her precious new grandson, relented.
She glanced at Zhao Father, who was also watching the baby, and said, “Now that the grandson’s here, if she wants to see Xiaoxi, let her have a look. The baby still needs her to nurse, if she cries too hard and loses her milk, my Big Good Grandson will go hungry.”
She tickled the baby’s little thing with her finger, using a falsetto to tease, “Isn’t that right? Isn’t that right? Is our Big Good Grandson going hungry?”
Zhao Father didn’t care much, nor did he respond.
The child had already been given away, and the money taken; it wasn’t so easy to bring her back.
But he didn’t dare say this in front of his daughter-in-law, fearing she’d go mad.
When the baby was born a girl, they’d suggested giving her away, or hiding her in the countryside, then, after having a boy, claiming he was the firstborn.
She’d risked her job to keep Xiaoxi, refusing to let her be sent away.
If the daughter-in-law found out now that she’d lost her job and Xiaoxi had been given away, she’d go mad.
Seeing Xu Huiqing still trying to get up to find her daughter, Zhao Mother rolled her eyes and snapped, “What kind of mother are you? You just had a son and won’t even nurse him—only care about Xiaoxi. Think she’ll run away? You don’t even ask about your son. Just wait for your daughter to support you, don’t count on him!”
She laughed, teasing the baby, “Right? Don’t support your bad mama when you grow up. She won’t even nurse our Big Good Grandson—Evil Mother!”
Even if it was a dream, Xu Huiqing, always good-tempered, couldn’t help the veins popping on her forehead.
She remembered the accusations her son hurled at her after her daughter’s death, and now, hearing her mother-in-law say such things to a newborn, memories long buried were suddenly uncovered.
In her ears, it was all her in-laws teaching her son: “Hit Mama! Hit Mama!”
“Mama won’t let our Big Grandson eat popsicles, Bad Mama! Mama is bad! Hit her! Hit her!”
“Not even a chicken drumstick for our good boy? What kind of useless mother is that?” Zhao Mother, in her dialect, snatched the drumstick from Xiaoxi’s bowl and put it in Chen Bei’s bowl, “Our good boy eats, don’t give it to the girls!”
Xu Huiqing had just given birth, her body at its weakest.
In her anxiety, blood gushed out from below, quickly soaking the bedding beneath her in red.
The maternity bedding wasn’t anything special—just the child’s winter diaper, stuffed with cotton and patched together with scraps of cloth, like a seat cushion from decades later, only bigger.
Because it was thick, when a child wet the bed, it wouldn’t seep through to the mattress; the thick pad absorbed it all.
It was Zhao Zongbao, just entering, who noticed the red stain and shouted in fright, “Doctor! Doctor! My wife’s fainted!”
This was the Town Health Clinic.
The doctors here only handled deliveries and simple Western medicine for headaches and fevers.
Seeing the blood-soaked bedding, the doctor panicked, “She was fine just now, how did she suddenly start hemorrhaging? Did you say something to upset her? This could be fatal!”
Another old doctor brought over an IV, quickly hooking Xu Huiqing up while barking, “Where’s the bamboo bed? Bring the bamboo bed over, hurry and send her to the city hospital!”
Their town sat between Wucheng County and Linshi—head south for Wucheng, east for Linshi, about the same distance, but Linshi’s medical facilities were much better.
Not daring to delay, he urged the Xu Family to send her to the city hospital: “Go to the Sixth People’s Hospital, it’s the provincial secondary maternity hospital!” Afraid they didn’t know the way, he said, “Forget it, Qiaolian, you take them!”
He looked at the stunned Zhao Zongbao, shouting, “What are you standing there for? Go get a car!” Then reminded him, “Don’t call a tricycle, check the intersection for a taxi!”
Though it was the early nineties, Shuibu Town was a major transportation hub, bustling with taxis from Wucheng and Linshi passing through.
Zhao Father shouted unhappily from the back, “Why call a taxi? Where would we get that kind of money? Just hire a tricycle!”
Xu Mother couldn’t hold back any longer and said, “I’ll pay, alright? Even if you don’t care that my daughter just gave Zhao Family a Big Good Grandson, at least think of the child—can he be exposed to the wind now? If anything happens to Huiqing, your grandson won’t have milk! I’d like to see whether a taxi fare or formula costs more!”
Xu Family was from the rural countryside; Zhao Family had run an appliance business in town for years and were well-off.
Xu Huiqing had married up, with a generous bride price.
After marrying into Zhao Family, Xu Family always felt inferior, never able to speak up.
If not for Xu Mother being present, they wouldn’t have dared treat her so lightly.
Zhao Father finally remembered his in-law was there, turned away awkwardly, and told Zhao Zongbao, “Taxi, get a taxi.”
The Town Health Clinic was only a hundred meters from the intersection, and there happened to be a taxi, so they quickly called it over.
Zhao Zongbao picked up the half-unconscious Xu Huiqing and rushed her into the taxi.
Even as she drifted in and out, Xu Huiqing clung tightly to Zhao Mother’s sleeve, “Mom, Xiaoxi, I want Xiaoxi…”
Xu Mother, frantic, scolded her, “Is this the time to worry about Xiaoxi? Xiaoxi won’t run away.” She pried Xu Huiqing’s fingers off, “Xiaoxi is with me, hurry and get to the hospital!”
In her heart, she cursed herself for ever agreeing to marry her good daughter into such a family.
Back when they proposed, their words were sweeter than songs, promising to treat Huiqing as their own daughter—reality was this!
Hearing her mother say this, Xu Huiqing finally relaxed a little, let go, and passed out.
There wasn’t much room in the taxi; Zhao Father stayed behind at the town, unable to care for the patient.
Xu Mother hurried to him and asked, “Where did you send Xiaoxi? Hurry and bring her back, or Huiqing will worry when she returns!”
Zhao Father, guilty, muttered, “Dai Di is watching her, what’s there to worry about?”
Zhao Dai Di was his eldest daughter, already married off.
She was lovestruck, held no status at her in-laws’, let alone with her brother’s children.
Xu Mother, thinking about how hard her daughter had fought for her child, said, “Before, when Huiqing was in labor, her sister-in-law took care of the child—that was fine. But now that the birth is over, hurry and bring her back!”
She stood anxiously at the gate of the Town Health Clinic, watching the taxi drive away, slapping her thigh. “If it comes to that, I’ll take care of her myself, alright?”
Zhao Mother sat in the front passenger seat with the newborn.
She also thought her daughter-in-law had been so upset by the eldest granddaughter being sent away that she started bleeding.
Cradling the baby, she muttered, “Is a girl really worth all this worry? She’s been awake for so long, not even glancing at her son, just calling for Xiaoxi!” Unable to bear it, she told the infant, “Don’t support your mother when you grow up—what a useless mother! I’ve never seen a daughter-in-law so troublesome, and now she’s hemorrhaging?” She lowered her voice and gritted her teeth, “I really wish she’d just die!”
Zhao Zongbao sat in the back with the unconscious Xu Huiqing, hearing Zhao Mother’s words clear as day.
The female doctor sitting with them couldn’t help but say, “The mother’s hemorrhaging—can you stop talking for a moment? Aren’t you afraid something will happen to her?”
The taxi driver, realizing the gravity of a maternal hemorrhage, floored the Santana, flying down the unpaved dirt road, kicking up clouds of dust.