Helena took a deep breath. Her chest rose and fell violently with the intake of air, the curves beneath her gauzy dress trembling with the motion.
In the end, she didn’t exhale through her mouth. She simply let the air seep out through her nose, drop by drop, without a sound.
“Even if it weren’t Bulaien… anyone burdened with such a heavy hatred—even if they wanted to let go, would the people around them agree? Perhaps when someone truly wants to drop everything and follow their own heart in pursuit of happiness… what greets them isn’t blessings, but countless spits and curses from those closest to them. Even if… it was originally just their personal affair.”
Helena lowered her head, her gaze falling on the empty plate before her. The sauce residue at the bottom had already congealed, covered in an unsettlingly cold, hard layer of grease, like indelible stains.
Coward, turtle, weakling, traitor, lackey of the Empire… Every word was like a knife, cutting into the wounds of memory.
“Maybe back then… when Ian and I were immersed in the joy of the wedding, chasing happiness, he wasn’t exactly comfortable facing those who knew the truth. Those weren’t just undead conjured up by Bulaien’s imagination—they were the curses hurled at him, which eventually became the nightmare that haunted him for the rest of his life.”
Mia, who had been sitting quietly nearby, slowly spoke. Her calves, wrapped in glossy black silk stockings, were crossed, and her hands rested on her knees.
“But… Bulaien still chose to endure for the sake of Her Highness Helena’s happiness, just like how it was written in that fairy tale.”
Even though Mia was just stating the facts plainly, it felt suffocating.
Helena was also a soft-hearted person. If her happiness was built upon someone else’s pain, would she still want that happiness?
Maybe Bulaien had guessed that too, which was why he kept the secret all along.
Maybe when the flame of love first flickered between Helena and Ian, Bulaien had been whispering in her ear, or directly confessing his background. Helena, with her soft heart, might have taken her godfather’s opinion to heart and chosen to distance herself from Ian.
But Bulaien still didn’t do that.
“He also wanted to work hard to bring that fairy tale to a happy ending. He, too, tried to let go of all this, to live as if nothing had ever happened from then on. It’s just… the world wouldn’t allow it.”
Helena let out a bitter sigh. Her fingers unconsciously rubbed the transparent white silk stockings on her thighs, feeling the delicate, cool, and smooth texture.
“In the end, it always comes back to bloodline and nation. Bulaien wanted to let go—but what about other people’s opinions? Even if it’s just a lover’s quarrel among friends, there are always friends who scold each other fiercer than the parties involved… What should be done? Really…”
Lucia was hearing such a long story for the first time. She had known that the happy ending of Ian and Helena’s beautiful fairy tale was not pleasant. But she hadn’t expected the background to be this heavy. Lucia guessed that the Emperor and Helena must have had something to do with Bulaien’s execution, but Bulaien’s background and motives were not simple either.
Helena lifted her head, looking at the golden ceiling of the dining hall, painted with mythologies, as if the answer she sought was up there.
“So… Bulaien gradually couldn’t bear it anymore. Neither the external pressure nor the internal pressure. Even if he wanted to abdicate and play the turtle, even if the truth was revealed, Ian wouldn’t care. But the people who had pushed him into power while thirsting for revenge in the past wouldn’t let him off either.”
Lucia listened to Helena’s words, her hands propped on the table, her palms supporting her chin. With the movement, her long legs under the table stretched slightly.
Though she said she didn’t care, her body language betrayed her engagement.
“I never saw him.”
“Yes, of course you haven’t…”
Helena withdrew her gaze and looked at Lucia’s young face, her eyes softening.
“When it happened… I had just become pregnant with you.”
Lucia raised an eyebrow slightly, looking at Helena.
“Bulaien both wanted you to find happiness and wanted to free himself from the past, but he didn’t completely side with the Emperor. If he had been willing to defect completely, even if his background was revealed—as the Emperor’s mentor and yours, the one who guided you all along—even if he stepped down from the position of Archbishop…”
Helena answered as well.
“Yes, even if he might have stepped down from the Archbishop position after the conflict, at the time I also thought it was an opportunity. If he could seize that chance, maybe his position in the future would be more secure… That night, that was how I weighed it. It hadn’t… completely reached a dead end.”
But no matter how much Helena begged and cried that night, no matter how many solutions she proposed—
The man on the other side of the iron window only gave Helena his usual, kind yet weary smile.
Then, slowly, he shook his head.
Just like back in the beginning, when a young Helena clumsily healed people, studying Light Magic day and night, and Bulaien guided her hand in hand, showing that all-forgiving smile.
Helena bit her lower lip, then let out a bitter laugh after a moment.
“In the end, Bulaien simply wanted to die. He didn’t have the courage to take his own life, to violate the teachings of God, so he chose this clumsy method—using the Emperor’s hand to end his own suffering.”
Helena paused.
“He… wasn’t selfish enough. The King of that Duchy never took him back to raise him. He didn’t even learn about his own background until after the Duchy fell, when the Church high-ups told him in order to use him.”
Lucia caught the key word sharply. A cold glint flashed in her gray eyes.
“Hatred education?”
“Yes. From the moment he learned of his background, he was indoctrinated day and night with hatred. That he was the son of a fallen king, that he carried the blood of the Duchy, that he must take revenge—or else he would be disgracing everyone from the Duchy.”
Now Lucia couldn’t help but admire that dead man.
“But he was still very kind…”
Even though he grew up in a twisted environment just like her, he didn’t grow twisted. He became a kind and gentle person, and an exceptionally capable Archbishop.
As for Lucia… she couldn’t do that.