That evening’s self-study session passed in a distracted haze.
On the desk, the handwriting in my homework notebook had been replaced by a delicate, feminine script.
The cool evening breeze blew in from outside the classroom, lifting the strands of hair by my ears and the hem of my girl’s uniform skirt.
The anti-slip straps at the top of my thigh-high socks felt a little tight.
With a slight tilt of my head, I could see the indentations they left on the middle of my thighs.
As I did my homework, the two sentences Tang Xiaolu had said kept echoing in my mind—
“From now on, remember this: compared to boys, a girl’s experience in this world is easier and happier.”
“As a beautiful girl, you can experience plenty of happiness and joy that boys never can. So you have no reason to despair.”
I could guess why Tang Xiaolu had said those things.
The more despair a Magical Girl feels inside, the faster her Magic Power depletes, and the easier it is for her to become a Witch.
She didn’t want me to turn into one that quickly.
Tang Xiaolu must have been through something—or her companions had.
Killing unfamiliar Witches didn’t weigh too heavily on a Magical Girl’s conscience.
But if that Witch used to be a classmate or even a close friend, the psychological pressure during battle would be immense.
If things like that happened over and over, even the strongest Magical Girl would break down.
Right now, Tang Xiaolu gave me the feeling of a beautiful, hard jade with a barely visible crack forming on its surface.
Her mental state was already unhealthy.
In a way, this girl was asking for help from me.
She didn’t want me to become a Witch, and she also didn’t want to fall into despair herself.
But the problem was, with Mom’s passing, I was still drowning in grief myself.
I had no idea how to comfort anyone.
We owed a lot of money to treat Mom’s illness.
Now that she was gone, Dad had to figure out how to repay it.
As a student, I couldn’t do much to help, and on top of that, I had become a Magical Girl.
Hmm… or maybe meeting Tang Xiaolu was a kind of “bond”?
Like two injured kittens in a forest, licking each other’s fur.
Two wounded souls coming together, able to lean on each other, grow together, and walk out of the darkness?
Thinking that, I glanced subconsciously at Tang Xiaolu beside me.
“What’s wrong?”
Feeling my gaze, Tang Xiaolu, who was writing her homework, looked up.
“Stuck on a problem?”
“Hmm…”
I shook my head and deliberately asked in a playful tone, “So, Lulu, when you said I’m really cute earlier—were you serious?”
“Seriously.”
Tang Xiaolu spoke as if coaxing a child: “Cute enough that I want to scoop you up in my arms and inhale you like a little kitten.”
“I feel the same way about you, Lulu.”
I blinked.
“You’re super cute—both your looks and your personality! Like the ideal girlfriend!”
“Where did that come from all of a sudden?”
Even though her tone carried a hint of reproach, I could clearly see the shyness on her face.
“Just finish your homework, okay? Don’t forget we still have to go out later…”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I nodded and turned my eyes back to the test paper in front of me, saying softly, “Anyway… about today… thank you.”
Tang Xiaolu didn’t say anything, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see she was secretly a little pleased.
Hmm… does Tang Xiaolu count as the first friend I’ve made since starting high school?
I wondered quietly to myself.
As a girl, I can experience a lot of happiness and joy… is that right?
Back at the fast-food restaurant, Tang Xiaolu said that Magical Girls who easily fall into despair all share one trait: they like to sacrifice themselves for others.
My wish, “I want to become a girl”—doesn’t that have a similar meaning too?
Sacrificing my past.
Sacrificing my identity as a male.
Making the people around me happy.
It’s like in a lot of online games where you need to use a mic to communicate—everyone gets happy when they find out their teammate is a girl.
Some people might wish they were a girl because of that, using a female voice to cheer up their teammates, feeling happy when they hear exclamations like “Whoa, it’s a sis!” or “We’ve got a girl on the team, time to play seriously.”
This is a very typical kind of altruistic thinking: “Because others are happy, I’m happy too.”
But at the same time, there are cases like, “Because girls get more support from the team, I want to become a girl for my own gaming experience and benefit.”
Which type am I?
I don’t know.
Or rather, I’ve never really understood my own personality.
I was born into a somewhat sad family.
I drifted through childhood, drifted into Heijiang No.3 Middle School carrying my parents’ hopes, drifted into becoming a Magical Girl, and now I’m drifting through doing my homework here.
I don’t know who I’m studying for, what kind of life I want when I grow up, or why I became a Magical Girl.
Or maybe… just as Tang Xiaolu said, a “clueless Magical Girl” like me is the least likely to fall into despair?
Time drifted by, and the two periods of self-study passed quickly.
The melodious bell for the end of class rang, and the previously quiet classroom exploded with noise.
“Finally, I can go take a proper shower. This hot weather, all this sweat, it’s unbearable.”
“Buy me a cola from the convenience store!”
“I didn’t eat enough dinner. I want to go to the cafeteria for a bowl of noodles. Anyone else coming?”
The first to stand up were the boys in the back rows.
They slung their arms around each other’s shoulders, chatting and laughing as they walked out the back door of the classroom.
Then it was the duty student of the day—
“Why do we have two Chinese classes in a row again tomorrow? I hate Chinese class the most.”
“Why don’t you talk about how we have PE tomorrow afternoon? Hurry up and write!”
A few girls lazily walked up to the podium, wiped away the characters on both sides of the blackboard, and started writing tomorrow’s schedule and duty assignments.
“Let’s go.”
After writing the last line in her diary, Tang Xiaolu stood up from her seat.
“We’re heading back to the dorm.”
“Oh…”
I tidied up the textbooks on my desk and followed behind Tang Xiaolu.
After leaving the classroom, the Tang Xiaolu walking ahead reached one hand back, as if waiting for me to take it.
Completely unused to this kind of scene, I froze on the spot, unsure whether to reach out.
“Why are you spacing out again?”
Seeing that I hadn’t reacted for a while, Tang Xiaolu turned back, looked at me with a mix of frustration and disappointment, and grabbed my hand firmly.
“Do you even know where the dorm is and what room number it is?”
“Ah…”
Feeling the softness in my palm, I felt my brain short-circuit.
“No… I don’t.”
“Then stick close to me. It’s perfectly normal for girls to hold hands.”
Under the moonlight in the hallway, Tang Xiaolu shot me a glare and said through telepathy between Magical Girls:
“You’ve become a girl and you’re still this clueless. One of these days, you’re going to get eaten.”