“You… wished to become a real girl from Qiu Bi?”
Inside the bustling fast-food restaurant, after hearing my answer, Tang Xiaolu, sitting across from me, wore a very puzzled expression.
“Why would you make a wish like that? Do you have gender dysphoria? Or is it… simply because you think a girl’s life is easier and more pleasant?”
Tang Xiaolu, with her single ponytail, was wearing the same middle school girls’ uniform from Heijiang No. 3 Middle School.
In the fast-food restaurant near Heijiang No. 3 Middle School, there were many other students like us.
During the time between 5:30 PM and 7:00 PM, when evening self-study started, everyone was free to eat dinner outside and buy daily necessities.
“Because it was Mom’s dying wish.”
Under Tang Xiaolu’s gaze, I hesitated for a moment, then spoke:
“My mother had a blood disease that couldn’t be cured. That day, the doctor told Dad and me to take her home. On the way home, she said to me… that she wished I had been a girl.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Tang Xiaolu’s tone was full of regret.
“Then… about this wish, what do you think yourself?”
As if worried I might misunderstand, the girl across from me added:
“I don’t mean to pry into your private life. I just want to know what you truly think. The end of a Magical Girl is to become a Witch—our enemy. I don’t want, one day in the future… for you to become something unfamiliar.”
Tang Xiaolu’s words immediately made me understand her subtext.
So I tentatively asked:
“Xiaolu, you’ve fought with familiar companions before, right?”
The end of a Magical Girl is a Witch.
Once a Magical Girl falls into despair or runs out of Magic Power, she will become a Witch, endangering society.
At that point, Magical Girls must step in to eliminate the Witch.
Whether it’s to save people and maintain social stability, or to obtain the Witch’s “Grief Seed” to supplement their own Magic Power, a battle between Magical Girls and Witches is inevitable.
Thinking about this, the images of those terrifying faceless men in the “Witch Barrier” and the train falling from the sky surfaced in my mind.
In a place like that, besides cries and despair, the only things left were emptiness and death.
Like the pale, sickly lights in the hospital.
If I didn’t want to become a Witch, I had to have a very clear plan for my future, or rather, for the “meaning of living.”
Just like Tang Xiaolu said just now: a wish is most beautiful only when you run toward it every day.
When you easily achieve that wish and the novelty wears off, what remains is endless emptiness and confusion.
So Tang Xiaolu’s purpose in asking about my view of the wish was very clear—she didn’t want me, after easily achieving the wish, to suddenly fall into despair, eventually degenerate into a Witch, and become her enemy.
In other words…
Tang Xiaolu was already treating me as a comrade.
“Yes.”
Under the quiet, soft light of the setting sun, just as I had guessed, when asked about those past events, Tang Xiaolu lowered her eyelids.
“I have personally sent many companions off. Some were close friends I grew up with; others were classmates. But without exception, they all became Witches in the end.”
“Huang Yao.”
Before I could think of what to say, Tang Xiaolu looked into my eyes again:
“Do you know what kind of wishes Magical Girls who are most prone to despair usually make?”
“I…”
After thinking for a long time, I tentatively replied:
“I guess it would be relatively simple wishes? Like getting a high-end computer or something?”
“Magical Girls who easily fall into despair all share one common trait: they like to sacrifice themselves for others while hiding selfish motives, expecting some sort of return from the wish they made.”
Tang Xiaolu didn’t respond to my answer; instead, she said calmly:
“For example, a boy in class gets seriously ill. A girl who likes him wishes for him to recover. Her wish actually has a selfish motive: she hopes the boy will know what she did for him and then fall in love with her, so they can live happily together.”
“But the boy recovers without knowing what the girl did for him, and ends up dating another girl from the neighboring class. In that case, the girl who made the wish for him is very likely to fall into despair and become a Witch.”
“Huang Yao, you…”
As she spoke, Tang Xiaolu picked up her Soul Gem and gently tapped it against mine, producing a clear tinkling sound:
“When you wished to become a girl, were you hoping to pass on this ‘obedient child who listens to Mom’ image to your family? Or maybe you hoped that through this prayer, you or your family could have a better life?”
“I…”
For a moment, I felt lost:
“I don’t know… At that time, you were being attacked by monsters, and the situation was very dangerous. That Qiu Bi kept urging me to make a wish. In my panic, I remembered Mom’s words, so…”
“So you made this wish to save me, right?”
“I guess…”
I turned my face away:
“That’s also part of it.”
“If one day in the future, I become a Witch, would you think that this wish, made for me, has lost its meaning?”
“I…”
I was at a loss and subconsciously asked back:
“What wish did you make back then, Xiaolu?”
“When I was 13, I became a Magical Girl. It’s been three years. I have never regretted the wish I made back then.”
Tang Xiaolu still didn’t answer my question; she just sighed:
“Forget it, you look a little muddled. I don’t think you seem like the type to fall into despair easily. Let me answer for you directly—Huang Yao, the reason you wished to ‘become a real girl’ is because deep down, you yearn to be a girl.”
“Huh?”
I was stunned:
“I… yearn to be a girl?”
“Yes. Not for your parents, nor for anyone else—simply for yourself.”
Tang Xiaolu said firmly:
“From now on, remember this: compared to boys, a girl’s experience in this world is easier and happier. And now, you’re beautiful and cute… The road ahead is still long. As a pretty girl, you can experience happiness and joy that boys can’t. So you have no reason to despair.”
“You made this wish only for yourself. You yearn to experience a girl’s life, to try wearing skirts and pretty clothes. No matter what happens to your family in the future, whether your father plans to remarry, or whether their new family is happy… none of that is related to this wish of yours.”
“If one day in the future you feel lost because of this wish, you can also think of me. Thanks to your wish today, we were able to escape the Witch’s Barrier together. So no matter what happens in the future, this wish of yours has meaning. Understood?”
“Xiaolu…”
After patiently listening to all this, I quietly put away my Soul Gem and mustered the courage to speak:
“Can you tell me your story?”
“Nothing much.”
Realizing she had gotten a little carried away, Tang Xiaolu picked up her chopsticks.
“Let’s eat first.”