One day ago.
At dusk, though the blood clan’s territory had no dusk, Xueli walked out of the council chamber.
The meeting lasted three hours. She spoke three sentences, totaling seven words.
Two “agree,” one “follow precedent”—that was all.
But it was enough. She wouldn’t make mistakes.
The corridor was wide and long. She walked slowly.
She knew the passersby would exchange glances behind her back, and she knew what those looks held: doubt, worry, and a barely concealed impatience.
“What’s wrong with Her Highness lately?”
“Did you hear? At the meeting…”
“Keep your voice down.”
She heard them, but now, she didn’t have the strength to care. Besides, it was the truth.
It felt like minutes, or like a century. Xueli arrived at her room.
She pushed open the door, and at that moment, her spine finally gave way.
No need to stay straight, no need to keep smiling, no need to be ready at all times for the next question, the next glance, the next occasion that required “Her Highness Xueli” to appear.
She walked to the bed, sat down. Then… she just lay down.
Yes, she didn’t even have the strength to change clothes, or to pull back the covers. She lay flat, staring blankly at the intricate patterns on the ceiling.
The past few days, this was how she had been getting by. When she woke up in the morning, her body felt like lead. Every movement seemed to require a deliberate reminder.
‘Lift your leg,’ ‘Reach out your hand,’ ‘Walk forward’—over and over, time after time.
Sometimes after someone spoke, she needed several seconds to realize it was her turn to answer. Even these past nine days… once she almost fell asleep in public.
‘It wasn’t like this before!’
‘Before, she could sort out all the pros and cons in three seconds and give the most precise advice.’
‘Before, she could handle five things at once, each perfectly.’
‘Before, she could…’
‘But… what’s the use of thinking about this now?’
Xueli closed her eyes. Her consciousness began to scatter, becoming thick and sluggish, flowing with difficulty, and ready to stop at any moment.
Her right hand unconsciously reached out to the side.
There was a soft, fuzzy thing there.
The bat doll.
It was still her.
It had been kept by her pillow since that day. Sometimes she held it, sometimes just set it beside her. But it had to be there, because…
She could give herself rare, genuine warmth. As long as she knew it was there, that was enough.
Her fingers hooked around one of the doll’s wings, pulled it over, and hugged it to her chest.
Soft, warm.
Body heat seeped through the fabric, pressing against the spot over her heart. Light, slow, like some kind of silent pulse.
She closed her eyes.
Her consciousness continued to sink, gradually entering a blank state.
She didn’t think about the meeting just now, didn’t think about tomorrow’s schedule, didn’t think about those glances and whispers, didn’t think about “who am I,” “my present,” “what should I do.”
Just… feeling this warmth on her chest.
At the same time, warmth began to spread from that point, ripples on the water’s surface. The muscles in her shoulders relaxed a little, and her furrowed brow had loosened at some point.
Xueli turned her face toward the doll, her nose brushing against the gray fuzz.
She smelled it again, heh heh.
That faint trace of scent, like sun-warmed grass mixed with something cool, like stars but not quite. So faint it was almost imperceptible.
But it was there.
‘It’s probably an illusion.’
‘Heh, how could a doll have a person’s scent?’
‘But this illusion… is truly sweet.’
‘What do you say, should I indulge in it?’
‘Haha… just steal this moment for a little longer…’
‘The outside world, those voices, those glances, everything that needs to be performed… just let it not exist for now.’
‘I only need this warmth on my chest, this faint scent at my nose, this luxurious quiet of not having to think about anything for a moment.’
Her consciousness seemed to continue sliding, toward a dreamless depth.
Then…
Bam!
A loud sound suddenly rang out.
The door was pushed open.
Xueli’s body stiffened sharply.
The footsteps were heavy and urgent, heading straight for the inner chamber. She recognized those footsteps—they belonged to Lady Wei La.
She had served the Vampire Queen for over three hundred years, known for her strictness and loyalty.
Xueli didn’t have time to move, or rather, she didn’t know where to move. Her mind had completely seized up at that moment.
Wei La was already standing by the bed.
Then, a deathly silence.
That gaze moved from Xueli’s face to her arms. The gray bat doll, clutched tightly to her chest, like a drowning person’s last floating log.
“Your Highness.”
The voice was very calm, like the stillness before a storm.
“What are you doing?”
Xueli opened her mouth, wanting to say something, like “Nothing,” or “I’m just tired.”
But just as she was about to say it, her throat felt blocked, and no sound came out.
Wei La’s gaze lingered on the doll for a long time, her intention clear. Then, she took a deep breath…
“I have served the royal family for centuries and seen countless storms.” Her voice began to tremble, whether from anger or some other indescribable emotion.
“But I have never seen… never seen a princess, with border wars tense, internal trade disputes ongoing, and countless eyes watching her, lying in bed, holding a…”
At that, she paused, her lips pressed tightly together, as if brewing something inside.
Then, she pointed at the doll, her finger trembling slightly.
“This is indulgence in pleasures and loss of ambition! Your Highness!”
Those four words stabbed into Xueli’s chest like ice picks.
“Do you know how many people are watching you out there? Do you know how your condition these past few days has been rumored? Do you know what those exchanged glances among the elders in the meeting mean?”
Lady Wei La took a step forward.
“Your Highness… I know you’re tired, I know you’re under pressure. But you are a princess! The blood clan’s princess!”
“You have no right to lie in bed hugging a doll to escape reality! Do you know how many people have placed their hopes, their expectations, even their lives on you?!”
“You cannot… you cannot do this…”
Lady Wei La’s voice finally cracked, revealing the immense panic and disappointment hidden beneath.
“You are letting everyone down, letting Her Majesty down, letting the entire blood clan down, and also… letting yourself down, letting down the prophecy at your birth.”
After saying this, she gasped for breath, standing there.
The room was dead silent.
Xueli did not move, not once, maintaining the pose of holding the doll, as if guarding some last line of defense.
She didn’t look at Wei La. Her eyes were still closed, but her eyelashes trembled slightly.
Those four words still echoed in her ears.
Indulgence in pleasures and loss of ambition.
Letting everyone down.
Letting… herself down.
She heard something inside her heart make an extremely faint, crisp cracking sound.
Then, a long silence.
This silence was long enough for Lady Wei La’s breathing to calm down, long enough for her to even start realizing she might have spoken too harshly.
“Get out.”
Xueli’s voice was very soft, soft like a falling feather.
Lady Wei La was stunned, then said with extra worry, “Your Highness…”
“Get out.”
Still so soft, faint as silence, yet carrying a hollow calm that could not be defied.
Xueli didn’t hear any sound from Wei La.
Lady Wei La opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but in the end, she didn’t. She bowed deeply to the curled figure on the bed, as if exhaling all the remaining air in her lungs, then took a deep breath, turned around, and left.
The door closed softly behind her.
In the room, once again only Xueli remained.
“I… beg you.”
Xueli finally said those four words.
She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
Lady Wei La’s words still circled in her mind, buzzing like a swarm of bees crashing around inside her skull.
She wanted to drive them away, but had no strength. She wanted to refute those words, but had no strength. She wanted to cry, but now she didn’t even have the strength to cry.
Indulgence in pleasures and loss of ambition.
She lowered her head and looked at the doll in her arms.
Gray fuzz, red eyes, a smile stitched with white thread.
So sincere, so pure, so… innocent.
What did it do wrong?
It was just made this way and sent to her hands. It just truly gave her a little warmth when she was coldest.
But in others’ eyes, it was a “plaything,” evidence of “loss of ambition,” a scapegoat for her “incompetence.”
Xueli buried her face into the doll.
It was still warm, still soft. Still carrying that faint trace of Flora’s scent.
But now, that warmth felt piercing cold to her.
“You are letting everyone down.”
‘Yes.’
“You have no right to be tired.”
‘Yes.’
“Indulgence in pleasures and loss of ambition.”
‘Yes.’
‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’
Xueli slowly tightened her arms, hugging the doll even tighter. Her fingertips sank into the fuzz, into the stuffing, into that illusory warmth.
The tighter she held it, the colder she felt.
‘Ridiculous.’
Everything was so real, and yet so illusory.
The little remaining warmth in her heart was draining away bit by bit.
From that cracked place, from the doll’s body, slowly leaking out.
Warm, red, things that belonged to her, were breaking down, draining away, dispersing, never to be caught again.
She looked at the door.
‘Heh.’
She used all her strength to extend the index finger of her right hand, pointing at the quiet door.
A red light emerged from the door, then instantly spread across the entire room, enveloping it, then faded to form a thin membrane.
She slowly lowered her finger, then closed her eyes.
This time, it was no longer just relaxation, but shutdown.
Outside, it was almost dark. The room gradually darkened completely. The curled figure on the bed slowly melted into the shadows, its outline indistinguishable.
Only the small gray shadow on her chest remained faintly visible.
But that last bit of gray also grew more and more blurred in the darkness.
Her arms were still warm.
But now, what did it matter.