“…You’re saying…I can’t change back…”
Elian hung her head, making it impossible to see the expression on her face.
A deathly silence.
“…”
No one spoke.
The pressure in the room was terrifyingly low.
Torment and waiting gnawed at Fen’s heart like a venomous snake.
“These past few days have been utterly awful…haven’t they?”
The silver-haired girl broke the silence first, offering a smile uglier than crying.
Fen feared she would break down any second.
“Why now of all times—why, just when I need to step forward and clear up the rumors, do the Gods play this kind of joke on me?”
The girl grew more agitated as she spoke.
Things had completely spiraled beyond Fen’s expectations.
He hurriedly and gently grasped Elian’s hand, trying his best to soothe this broken little creature.
“El…Elian! Please don’t think that way! I can help you—”
“Haha…help me!?”
Elian shot Fen a mocking, scornful laugh.
She had completely lost any semblance of a Paladin’s composure.
“What is this, Fen? Are you flaunting your magnanimity as a Paladin? Is this pity? Or—charity?”
Fen was utterly stunned.
“You…how can you think that!? You’re my friend! Elian!”
“Friend, huh…”
“Voss was my friend too, and he betrayed me. When will you leave me?”
“No…that’s not it at all—”
Elian interrupted roughly, “I have no magic…no matter how hard I try…no matter how virtuous I am, people will still criticize me—”
“My family doesn’t want me, my supporters have left my side, and now the entire Holy Capital is buzzing with rumors about me…Fen…you’re a Paladin, you don’t understand…you can just go on duty at the Order every day like nothing’s wrong, laughing and chatting with your comrades. And what am I now? Just a powerless girl! What use am I?”
“I…I can’t go back anymore…my life is already ruined…”
Watching the girl’s completely reddened eyes and listening to her melodious voice now trembling and choked with sobs, Fen felt nothing but heartache.
“I…I want to help you because you’ve always been the Elian I admired…even if—”
“Enough!” She shook off Fen’s hand.
“I…am no longer worthy of your expectations…”
Those light golden eyes were now empty.
Just a few seconds of eye contact sent a chill down Fen’s spine.
“Let me be…alone for a while…”
A clear tear streamed from the corner of the girl’s eye, quickly disappearing into her hairline.
Like a walking corpse, she slowly walked into the room.
Click— The door was decisively shut, separating the space and also shutting out Fen’s goodwill towards her.
……
Elian had locked herself in the room for three days.
As if deliberately avoiding Fen, she hadn’t left the room once in these three days and refused all communication with him.
“Elian? Are you awake?”
Fen carefully knocked on the door.
Silence was his only reply.
“…Then I’ll go on duty first. If you’re hungry…there’s breakfast I left for you in the kitchen.”
The man left, full of worry.
Inside the room, the girl sat hunched with her back to the door.
Her silver hair still shone, but she had buried her face in her knees and arms, hiding her haggard expression.
After finally confirming the sound of the main door closing, a silver-haired head slowly peeked out from the guest room doorway.
She was wearing the dark green shirt Fen had bought for her before, draped with a brown cloak ‘borrowed’ from Fen.
Where was she going?
Elian didn’t know, but she was acutely aware of the fact that she was ‘useless.’
Would Fen eventually grow tired of her too?
Would he see her as a burden?
Even though Fen hadn’t said it outright or shown any dissatisfaction, at this point, she had no face left to stay at Fen’s house, idling away and waiting for death.
‘Leaving with dignity, without troubling this friend, is better than living day and night under someone else’s scrutiny.’
The dignity of Elian the man screamed within her.
Elian placed two letters on the living room table.
Fen, thank you for taking care of me these past few days.
By the time you read this, I will have already left.
I’ve thought a lot these past few days, and I’m sorry for saying those things to you before.
I know you want to help me, but a life of dependence is tormenting—I could never accept your charity forever, and my honor as a Paladin wouldn’t allow it either, right?
The other letter on the table is my resignation.
Please deliver it for me to Knight Commander Ref and the Pope.
You don’t need to help me ask for leave anymore.
From today on, there will no longer be an Elian in the Paladin Order…
Perhaps ever since The Night of My Sister’s Birthday, Elian has been ‘dead’…
Paladin Elian…has…disappointed you all…
She looked towards the living room.
Her knight’s armor had always been neatly placed on the armor stand.
Under the morning sunlight, the Order’s silver emblem still glittered brightly.
In a daze, Elian had a fleeting illusion—it seemed she was back on the day she first received the armor and was told she would become a Paladin—
He and his family held a celebration banquet at home.
Nora excitedly pulled him into her embrace, ruffling his hair incessantly, making it impossible for Elian to get a good look at her smiling face beneath her fiery red hair.
But she told Elian she was happy—happy that her little brother had finally grown up…that was enough…
Lila’s eyes also sparkled with excitement.
The usually shy blue-haired girl jumped around him, not hiding her admiration in the slightest.
His mother, who had always been strict in her teachings, shed tears.
This was the second time Elian had seen this dignified woman weep openly—the first was at their father’s funeral.
Elian cried too.
It was the only time he had ever cried in his life—even though he had been taught that a man shouldn’t cry easily…but remembering all the past struggles, recalling the effort and heart he had poured into the Paladin exams…he truly couldn’t hold back in that moment…
Back then, everything was moving in a good direction.
He was getting closer and closer to his dream…
Pulled back to reality, she looked at her “old partner” that had fought alongside her and fell silent. In the end, she only took her own sword for self-defense.
Elian opened the door to Fen’s house—
‘In romantic knightly terms…is this an expedition? No…it’s an escape, isn’t it? Or rather…a wretched flight like a thief…’
Thinking this, the silver-haired girl amused even herself.
Her worried face rarely bloomed with a smile that made one’s heart ache.
She gripped the doorknob, frozen for a few seconds, her silver hair swaying in the wind along with her thoughts.
But she closed the door and, in the end, did not look back.
—