Chapter 10: Hidden Feelings

At this moment, Yezhe had no idea that he had muddleheadedly escaped a vicious beating.

Upon hearing Yezhe’s words, Yudong was clearly startled. The crumpled fabric caught in her grasp slipped from her fingertips.

Eat together? Come to think of it, isn’t this the first time he’s ever treated me to a meal?

He’s never invited me out to eat before… It must be because of that little girl, it has to be.

But… he said it’s because I look pale…

He’s worried about me… The boy I think of day and night is worried about me…

Even though he just deceived me…

Liar… Big liar…

“Yudong? Did you hear me?”

“Mm…”

Once again, their gazes met and entwined.

From the moment she first laid eyes on the boy, the girl had fallen for his eyes.

No amount of dust could hide the brilliance of a gem; no murky cloud could blot out the sun’s radiance. It was meant to shine and give warmth—if only these clouds weren’t so thick.

So thick, she could barely breathe.

Her gloomy face eased a bit compared to before, but the coldness was the same.

Rather than a true softening, it was more like switching from interrogating a criminal to sizing one up.

Yudong finally lifted her head completely, looking at the boy before her.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to try the cake from the place across the street last week? There’s also a branch of that chain nearby.”

This time, neither party looked away; the boy chose to meet her sharp, biting stare head-on.

Yezhe’s words were like stones thrown into the sea—no response but silence, and a gaze colder than before.

“Are you in a bad mood?”

“What do you think?”

“It was my fault for sneaking off before finishing work the other day… And today, you helped me out again. If that girl wasn’t your friend, I’d have been stuck for ages… Let’s call this a thank-you, okay?”

“Really, thank you so much today!”

Yezhe pressed his palms together in apology. Truth be told, he had no idea what else he could do—he’d really been a bit too out of line lately.

His head was nearly touching the table, but Yezhe couldn’t think of a more sincere gesture.

Actually, this past week, Yezhe had been fine during the day, but every evening when it was nearly time to go home, he changed completely.

His work became careless, his mind wandered, and if it hadn’t been for Yudong cleaning up after him, the boss would’ve torn into him.

But that wasn’t the main reason.

Yesterday was supposed to be cake day, but when Yudong noticed Yezhe was acting differently, she didn’t ask. Who’d have thought it was because he was out shopping with that little girl…

Unbelievable, utterly unreasonable.

So I’m that unimportant in his eyes?

We’ve never even gone out together, so why does that brat get to spend a whole day with Yezhe?

Working every day is already exhausting, yet I have to act energetic in front of him. It’s really tiring…

Why does he like cheerful, lively girls? Why can’t he like someone dark and gloomy like me…

If only I didn’t like him… If only he hadn’t bothered me in the first place…

So annoying, everything is so annoying, I want to grab him by the neck and pin him to the ground… I want to bully him…

The way he bowed his head to thank me just now was so cute. If he begged me, that would be even better…

Anger and desire mingled like ink soaking into the girl’s already battered heart.

Only when it was steeped in this darkness could the emptiness inside be filled.

Only when she looked at the boy, touched him, did she feel truly alive—with all the emotions of a living, breathing person.

It hurts so much… Living is so painful… Why did I have to meet you… Why do you give your love to someone else…

I really can’t hold it in much longer…

Why is it her sitting beside you and not me!

I tried too…

“Older Brother, what’s wrong with Older Sister?”

While he was still expressing his thanks, Liuyin gently tugged at Yezhe.

“Yudong? Are you okay? Yudong?”

He didn’t notice until he looked up—and the sight startled him.

At some point, Yudong had curled up on the sofa, biting her nails so hard her teeth made sharp, grating noises.

Her face was pale, tinged with red, and her breathing grew rougher with each gasp.

“Yudong!?”

“Mm!?”

Honestly, seeing her like this, Yezhe was ready to carry her straight to the Hospital.

“Are you okay? Nauseous or what?”

Yezhe’s shout dragged Yudong from her mire, though he didn’t know it.

How could he possibly know what intense and terrifying feelings lurked within this frail yet strong girl?

“No, I’m fine, just got overheated and felt a bit sick…”

The boy… he’s a little too close.

I lost control just because of him, and now he’s even closer…

Their breaths mingled. Yudong could almost feel the boy’s exhalations invading her lungs—sweet and deadly, relentlessly eroding her sanity.

“I’m really fine, just keep your distance…”

I’m begging you… I really can’t hold it in much longer

When did I fall for Yezhe so hopelessly?

I can’t remember.

Just thinking of him, my mind turns to mush…

One day, Mother fell ill.

It wasn’t anything too serious at first, just left untreated for too long.

That afternoon, Father wasn’t there, so it was Yudong who signed the Notice of Critical Condition.

Everything felt surreal—a Ballpoint Pen pressed into her hand, that unpleasant smell of disinfectant in the Hospital…

She’s tried to recall that day, but no matter how hard she tries, only scattered fragments come to mind.

She only remembers being blinded by sunlight through the window on her way to the Ward…

If only none of it had happened…

The car, the house, everything they had was poured in.

Countless documents signed to the point of numbness, relatives called until there were no calls left to make.

Why?

Did I do something unforgivable?

Did I destroy someone else’s happiness?

Did I commit a crime?

Then why?

Why destroy my own happiness?

Eventually, there was nothing left to throw in. The phone calls stopped; she was blocked.

So tired.

Why keep trying to heal at all?

Yudong just stood there, motionless, in front of the Bed.

Human vitality is really tenacious. With just a few tubes, even someone near death can keep clinging to life.

On the Bed lay a haggard woman.

It was so quiet. Aside from the machines’ beeping, only faint breathing remained.

If she pulled the tubes now, would it all finally end?

Should she pull them?

What am I holding on for?

Her hand trembled in midair, finally settling on the rumpled blanket.

Earlier, while the Drip was being changed, the doctor had pulled back the blanket a bit. Yudong chose to tuck it back in.

After she finished, Yudong left the Ward.

She couldn’t hold on any longer.

Leaning against the wall, Yudong slid to the floor.

She couldn’t see—not a thing.

It hurt so much…

Arms tightly wrapped around her knees, Yudong buried her face deep in her arms.

There was no heart-wrenching wailing, only suppressed, trembling sobs.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to cry out—she was just too tired, truly exhausted.

From time to time, a few lingering, warm tears would slip from the corner of her eye, falling onto the floor.

She couldn’t even cry as much as she wanted.