Chapter 30: Self-struggle

A ruined temple lay a hundred miles east of the city, where Shangguan Xunyi sat cross-legged beside a half-formed Buddha Statue, regulating her breath with closed eyes.

The red power of the stars flowed from her meridian, swirling around her body.

The chilling aura blended strangely well with the Awakening Flame flickering—though long extinguished—before the Buddha Statue.

There was an old saying among mortals: a Buddha who fails to achieve true enlightenment, if harboring malice in their heart, would become an Infernal Demon bound for hell.

The late spring wind blew through the broken door, making the scattered wooden planks creak and groan, causing her brow to furrow slightly.

This seemingly calm and quiet girl was already engaged in a fierce battle inside her Consciousness Sea—a fight named “Go Back or Not Go Back.”

“Hey! Why do you still want to go back? Didn’t you hear what Xiao Mu just told us? He said we should leave quickly!”

“Xiao Mu said that to me, not to us.”

“Yes, yes, it’s you, it’s you. Xiao Mu is yours. Can’t I just not fight you over him?”

Sha Qianmo gripped Shangguan Xunyi with both hands, her face and every muscle straining with effort.

Still, she was being pulled forward little by little by the girl.

Damn it.

If this keeps up, the original body’s “love-struck brain” will surely act recklessly again.

I just risked my life to seize control of this body, using all my strength to get this far.

I can’t let her act on her own anymore.

I have to say something, quickly.

With this thought, she began to think fast.

Scenes of the earlier interaction between the girl and Yun Mu flashed vividly in her mind—the dialogue, their expressions, all as clear as if it had just happened.

A bitter, indescribable feeling welled up in her heart.

Slightly stunned, she suddenly felt a familiar yet warm sensation deep within her Consciousness Sea.

This was…

At first, she was taken aback, but then a fire called “resentment” ignited inside her.

The strength in her hands suddenly surged in just a few breaths.

Inside the Consciousness Sea, a loud “bang” echoed as ripples spread.

Shangguan Xunyi pinned her down to the ground.

“I told you, stop going back, okay? Do you even know what you’ve done!? You…”

“Let go of me, or once I regain my normal mental strength, I’ll grind you to dust, you cheating cat.”

“Cheating cat…? Ha!?”

The sudden change in tone filled Sha Qianmo’s mind with question marks.

The previous reproach vanished instantly, replaced by even angrier questions.

“Didn’t you tell me I was cheating because of what I did!?”

“How can you still have the nerve to ask? You kissed Xiao Mu using my body just now. What else is that if not cheating?”

“That wasn’t me. I was using your body, right? Besides, wasn’t it to take him away?”

“That may be, but from my point of view, you kissed him right in front of me. And those actions afterward—can you honestly say you had no impure thoughts about Xiao Mu?”

“Impure thoughts? What are you talking about? I…”

Looking into the girl’s eyes, she was momentarily speechless.

Her mind was filled with the earlier scene—

Yun Mu pressing her down while she pretended to be a weak girl.

Her cheeks flushed, and she stubbornly denied it with a weak voice.

“No way… I’m not interested in that guy. He’s weak, powerless, and skin and bones. Apart from having a slightly good-looking face, how could I possibly…”

Her voice grew weaker as she avoided the other’s gaze.

“Hmph… you cheating cat…”

Shangguan Xunyi gave a look of disdain and, taking advantage of the other’s momentary distraction, flipped her over and pinned her down.

Within moments, the situation had reversed.

At the same time, countless chains forged from star power instantly formed, wrapping tightly around Sha Qianmo’s body, rendering her immobile.

The girl stood, no longer speaking, turning to leave the Consciousness Sea. But a faint voice came from behind.

“Original body… did you really think I don’t want to bring Yun Mu back? I’ve already said, we are essentially the same root and origin. Your emotions always affect me.”

“If that’s true, then why did you stop me?”

the girl replied without turning.

“Because I’m only influenced by you. I haven’t lost my reason like you have. My reason tells me that if you continue like this, you won’t just hurt yourself—you’ll hurt Yun Mu too.”

The girl’s step faltered, her heart shaken.

“That’s still better than Xiao Mu dying.”

“But you’re actually very afraid that Xiao Mu will hate you, aren’t you?”

“Yes. But if he hates me, that’s his choice. I love him, and that’s mine.”

“But everything you’ve done, intentionally or not, keeps hurting him, right? Are you really going to hurt him again? Is your kind of love among humans really expressed through pain?”

“I haven’t…”

“You haven’t?”

“I…”

Shangguan Xunyi stopped in her tracks.

She didn’t know how to answer.

Over the years, many things had happened between her and Yun Mu.

She had done much for him, but thinking carefully, many of those things were done stubbornly and selfishly.

Especially the recent so-called rescue.

In truth, Yun Mu had already said that he exchanged his life for Shangguan Qiuyue’s out of gratitude.

He no longer wished to live, but she insisted on taking him away.

Her seemingly kind actions were actually selfish attempts to satisfy her own desires, ignoring the boy’s feelings.

“I might… have really hurt him, both physically and mentally.”

She whispered softly as her soul trembled violently.

“But I still say, it’s better than him dying.”

Sha Qianmo noticed the girl’s change.

Glancing at the cracked chains binding her, her heart sank.

She decided to tell her something she hadn’t said before, to make her completely give up on reckless plans.

“Original body, since you’ve made up your mind, I won’t stop you. But there is one thing you must know. After hearing it, you can decide if you really want to go back.”

“Say it…”

“Do you remember earlier when you drained his blood?”

“Drained blood…?”

At the mention, Shangguan Xunyi instinctively replied but couldn’t recall anything.

She held her head, feeling a splitting headache.

“It’s fine if you can’t remember. I can tell you what happened…”

“You mean, after smelling Xiao Mu’s blood, you lost control? Not only severely injuring his arm but also sucking his blood, draining most of the star power accumulated inside him?”

“Exactly. Otherwise, with your weak body, how could you suddenly have the strength to control these chains and lock me up in such a short time?”

“But I can’t remember anything…”

“But I remember. I clearly remember your craving for his blood. Even later, when I forcibly took control of your body to escape, that insatiable hunger still affected me.”

Sha Qianmo spoke as she lightly pulled apart the broken chains.

She stepped beside the girl, raising a hand to summon a small circular orb saturated with Yun Mu’s aura.

“And not only did you drain his star power, you even sucked out this…”

“What… is this? Why does it feel so familiar…”

The girl gently held the orb, her expression touched.

“The Soul Fragment that governs Yun Mu’s bodily power.”

“Soul Fragment? What do you mean? You’re saying I sucked out Xiao Mu’s Soul Fragment? That’s impossible… I never cultivated any soul-related techniques, how could this happen…”

“Why would I lie? Although I don’t understand why sucking blood caused this—I haven’t lived as long as you—but the fact remains. You’ve done a great deal of harm to him this time. Unintentionally, yes, but it’s unprecedented.”

Sha Qianmo paused slightly, then asked softly.

“We… no, if you go back now, you’ll only do something more reckless. Even so, are you still planning to go?”

“I…”

Shangguan Xunyi lowered her eyes to the blood-red orb in her hands, feeling the wild desire pounding within her heart, but she said nothing.

She wrapped it with a trace of star power and sent it into a small space deep within her Consciousness Sea, speaking in a low voice.

“Let’s go. It’s time to return first…”